Bionic Buddha

New Address

2008-04-13T20:40:00.003-05:00

We've moved and we have a new site. You can find our new blog at www.bionicbuddha.com/blog
See our new site at www.bionicbuddha.com
Please say hello and let us know you have come around.
Sorry we have been away, we have been busy constructing new and amazing things.

Spoilers

2007-10-27T19:25:00.000-05:00

I love spoilers. I read them when I see a movie AND especially when I don't. I won't go into the details of the new Saw IV movie, but the best and most detailed spoilers are on Wiki (no surprise).

Of interesting note is the new Saw IV movie in which Tobin Bell (Jigsaw) is shown to be DEAD. There is an autopsy scene in the trailer that shows him, cough cough, out of the picture (I so funny). Reader, I am not giving away anything here, it is in the trailer, please don't scream.

The obvious question is how they are going to produce another saw movie without Jigsaw. The easy answer is a prequel or that he has trained others in the Jigsaw method - meh, too straightforward. Here is the even better answer in a movie that prides itself on twists - wait for it - Jigsaw has a twin (gasp, yes it gets better).

Not only does he have a twin, he is one of three triplets. Three little Tobin Bells.

How do I know? Someone higher up on set was shooting off their mouth and a little bird overheard it.

There I said it.

Back in Black

2007-09-07T22:31:00.000-05:00

We're back after taking the summer off and we are preparing for our new fall lineup of shows. Sorry that the blog was also shut down but we needed the time off to recharge. Hope that our friends are still out there and haven't forgotten us. Now its time to kick out the jams muthafucka!

pogue mahone

2007-05-18T18:01:00.000-05:00

Our punk rock compere, Steve Stumble has a new episode of his show Stumblevision ready for your bewilderment. How has a guy that drinks so much managed to stay alive all these years?
This episodes features The Mahones and The Matadors. The Fro-man also writes on passed out drunk people. Reality TV at it's worst. See the show at the Stumblevision episode page or at the bionicbuddha.com homepage.

Bionic Beans

2007-05-01T17:52:00.000-05:00

Nearly a week after Hugh Grant allegedly assaulted a member of the paparazzi with a tub of baked beans, the incident is still being pored over by newspapers from Croatia to Karachi. It has featured prominently in the US and UK from tabloid spreads to op-ed pieces. It is even the subject of various online spoofs (including datelinehollywood.com's "Bean Farmers Burning Hugh Grant in Effigy").

“When you pick up a can of baked beans, you have a responsibility to understand the culture where it came from,” said Brazilian bean farmer Alejandro Cunha, just after he set fire to a giant “Music and Lyrics” poster. “This is worse than if he had spit in our faces. Or forced us all to watch ‘American Dreamz’ ten times in a row.”

In Brazil, the world’s leading producer of beans, a warrant has been issued for Grant’s arrest.

“Hugh Grant has offended the Brazilian people and bean farmers around the world,” said Brazil’s minister of beans Silas Costa. “We demand that the United Kingdom extradite him so that he can face justice.”

Personally I blame the beans. Just what were the "alleged beans" doing in a plastic box? Do the rich get them packaged differently? Have celebrities been quietly informed that tin is carcinogenic while the rest of us are left in ignorance lest the tomato and haricot markets collapse? If, as some reports have suggested, they were in a Tupperware container, are we to assume that Grant is either secretly poor, or cultivating a Howard Hughes-ish thrift that points to him turning gloatingly through his bank statements with filthy six-inch fingernails in a pile of his own filth?

s-faced

2007-04-24T20:53:00.000-05:00

There's a lot going on these days with Facebook. Everyone I know has joined. I tried to avoid it as much as possible but there's no denying that it has become ubiquitous. I have to admit that it is a great tool for networking and finding people. Having said that, is it poised to become the next white and yellow pages? Who needs a phone book when you can find old friends online and chances are you will, unless they are above the age of 40, live in a cave or live in Siberia. I am starting to see bands and businesses promote there as well, creating various groups to serve their needs. I think as soon as they allow postings for music and videos, Myspace and to a lesser degree, YouTube better start taking note and have reason to be afraid. You can find Bionicbuddha's beginings at the Mindbomb group. Then again, every jackass and their mother has some form of group on facebook, I mean why not start the Emo, everyone hates me cutters group? It may already exist.

Cameron Diaz: Lookin Pa Nub...

2007-04-02T18:44:00.000-05:00

So Camreon Diaz and Justin Timberlake ended their relationship earlier this year in January. For the number of relationships he has seen in the last few years, JT should be giving out frequent flyer points everytime he gives out his telephone number to a potential date.

Cameron Diaz fears she will be single for a long time after the split because "it's hard" finding love as a celebrity. Diaz has since been linked with a number of eligible bachelors, including surfer Kelly Slater , but she insists she needs time to get over the break up, and more time to find Mr. Right.

Diaz says, "I think it's hard out there. You don't fall in love every day, or with every person you meet. It's special. Our world is so complicated in that it does take a lot to make things work. But you can't be happy with someone else until you're happy with yourself." Thank you, Dr. Phil.

It would make it much harder not to feel sorry for Cameron, if she didn't have a scene where she dances around in her underwear in every single movie she is in.

Jet Set Trash

2007-03-29T21:09:00.000-05:00

We at bionicbudha.com and bionic films have worked on a number of eclectic projects in our brief history including a documentary on youth in the care of the Children's Aid Society in Canada that has been shown nation wide. I recently came across this funny 1950's public service announcement parody we made in our early years and thought I'd share it with you. It's called The Modern Man's Guide to the Jet Age Girl. It comes with a parental advisory as it gets nasty. Sort of. Enjoy.

They say it's your birthday

2007-03-23T10:23:00.000-05:00

Hey, hey, it's the birthday of bionicbuddha producer and Director, Dave D. Dave is an integral part of the bionicbuddha team. He is the production and technnical expert in television development. He has also had a very charmed life and has amazing stories to share. I have known dave for about a decade now and I thought that I had heard them all but he still manages to surprise me.

Happy Birthday Dave.

The Price is Right

2007-03-18T11:26:00.000-05:00

Bob Barker has a chance to win his 18th Daytime Emmy. It’s hard to believe that Bob Barker is 83 years old, but I suppose that is what plastic surgery, California living, and 3 hip replacesments can do for you. I also wonder how he has maintained his mental alertness, perhaps the vegetarian diet is his secret to longevity and mental health. Back in the day, when a contestant won a bonus $100 for getting a price exactly correct he used to have the ladies dig into his suit pocket for their prize. Bob has also been tainted with several law suits for sexual harassment of the prize models, so he is by no means a perfect citizen. However, with 6.1 million people a day tuning in, I say "let's get to the showprice - showdown !".
And don’t forget…SPAY AND NEUTER YOUR PETS!

Is that a threat or a promise??

2007-03-10T12:44:00.000-06:00

I have always been a bit of a fan of P.Diddy. He is a self made success story, able to achieve significant artistic and cultural influence within the context of a racial bias of "middle class America". His ambition, style and ability has emerged from the suburbs and urban centers of the US to launch a multifaceted global presence in the arenas of music, fashion, and entertainment. Perhaps that is why I am so interested in following this news story out of LA.

It seems Diddy has been sued by a man who alleges that the rap impresario attacked him at a pre-Oscars party last week. According to a Reuters report, Gerard Rechnitzer claims in a law suit filed Friday in Los Angeles Superior Court that Diddy pushed and punched him during the early-morning scuffle.

In the suit, Rechnitzer, 27, claims he and his girlfriend ran into Combs at the club Teddy's inside the Roosevelt Hotel in the early morning hours of February 25. When Rechnitzer returned from a trip to the bathroom, he found Combs talking to his girlfriend and when Rechnitzer approached, Combs, 37, yelled at him "in a threatening and ominous matter," according to the suit. Rechnitzer claims in the suit that after he approached Combs, the rapper/producer shouted an obscenity at him without provocation, leading Rechnitzer to warn his girlfriend that they should leave. That allegedly prompted Combs to yell at him, "I'll smack flames out your ass!," according to the Reuters report. It was at that point, the suit claims, that Combs "attacked, assaulted and battered" Rechnitzer, causing him "to fly backwards several feet" into a vehicle behind him. Combs then allegedly pushed Rechnitzer's girlfriend and attempted to spit on another female member of Rechnitzer's group, prompting Rechnitzer to call the police.

I generally give the benefit of the doubt in a lot of these nuissance lawsuits...particularly given the alleged insult from Diddy. I mean, "Flames out your ass"? I might expect this from Will Smith...but Diddy could do much better than that!!

justice for all

2007-03-08T20:32:00.000-06:00

There's a new video up on Vsides it's from Canadian indie metal band, Inner Surge. For those that don't know, Vsides is a bionicbuddha music video show that showcases videos from around the world that you normally may not get to see. We like supporting new talent and fresh ideas. You can see the video on our home page www.bionicbuddha.com or from the Vsides page for Inner Surge.
Enjoy.

How much do I have to pay you for that crap?

2007-03-04T14:18:00.000-06:00

I had my first expereince at a "real life" auction the other day and it was quite revealing. Upon first observation, I couldn't help but notice the particpants did not appear to be highly intelligent (although at first I was wondering if this was an ellaborate scheme to confuse the other bidders, in a kind of 'reverse psychology' behavioural finance emotive). Sadly, this did not seem to be the case when it became evident that one of the particpants did not realize the condition of sale policy was not quite as liberal as Walmart. I began to actually wonder how some of these people would find their way home...unless they all travelled together in one of the short busses.

It is difficult to compete in a quest to find a deal at an auction, when clearly the participants' access to capital, surpasses the value of the merchandise for sale as well as the collective brainpower of the particpants. Some people will buy anything at almost any price, in order to be the "winning" bidder. I could not believe that one individual walked away as the proud owner of a used "Tickle Me Elmo" doll.

The best deals of the night appeared to be the bulk purchase of a number of slightly flawed or used women's garments for less than 10 bucks total. Another shrewd bargain hunter walked away the proud owner of more 2007 desktop calendars than a stationary store, for a total of 5 dollars. The irony was that a senior member of the bionic buddha production squad felt he was getting a deal when he had bought 3 calendars for 3 dollars. At the end of the night, we had fun, which alone is worth more than the cost of the calendars. It was not the first time we have been outsmarted by a group of dullards...next time perhaps we should take the example from the photo above, just to level the playing field.

You and me and them

2007-02-25T19:05:00.000-06:00

The latest episode of Vsides is up at our main site, bionicbuddha.com. In this episode, our host, Edna M is wearing some pretty kick ass aviator glasses while introducing the video, Everyone Needs by the Sick Boys. This Canadian band has had a long standing friendship with bands like Rancid and The Dropkick Murphys. Check out the video from our homepage or the episode page for Vsides. Enjoy.

Quantum Flapdoodle - distortions of quantum physics to support a mystical viewpoint

2007-02-18T12:41:00.000-06:00

I recently watched a DVD entitled, “What The (Bleep) Do We Know!?”. The movie could best be described as a documentary style, pseudo scientific commentary interspersed with a series of short plot sequences to demonstrate the principles. Not only was the "scientific theory" grossly inaccurate, the special effects could approximate any "Doctor Who" rerun from the 1970s. The film's saving grace might have been Amanda, a deaf photographer (played by Marlee Matlin) who experiences her life from startlingly new and different perspectives. This was not enough to salvage the movie's detractions.

One thing that puzzled me was who were all the talking heads? These were the people who were talking about subatomic particles and alluding to alternate universes and cosmic forces, all of which were harnessed in the interest of making Ms. Matlin's character feel better about her thighs. Normally in a documentary, the experts are introduced when they first appear. But here they introduced them after the end of the film. I was amused to see the heavy-set blonde woman in the boxy red suit making the weird pronouncements in a funny accent was:

Ramtha

Master Teacher – Ramtha School of Enlightenment

Channeled by JZ Knight

The creators of the movie are stating as a fact, that one of the people you have been listening to for the previous 90 minutes, a main authority for the information being presented, is a 35,000 year old warrior spirit from Atlantis, being channeled by a housewife turned cult leader in Tacoma, Washington. The woman pictured is JZ Knight, but you are not listening to JZ Knight. You are literally listening to Ramtha. At this point the film lost any remaining pretence of being based on any kind of science or facts.

Here is some other detail on Ramtha:

Ramtha is a 35,000 year-old spirit-warrior who appeared in J.Z. Knight’s kitchen in Tacoma, Washington in 1977. Knight claims that she is Ramtha’s channel. She also owns the copyright to Ramtha and conducts sessions in which she pretends to go into a trance and speaks Hollywood’s version of Elizabethan English in a guttural, husky voice. She has thousands of followers and has made millions of dollars performing as Ramtha at seminars ($1,000 a crack) and at her Ramtha School of Enlightenment, and from the sales of tapes, books, and accessories (Clark and Gallo 1993). She must have hypnotic powers. Searching for self-fulfillment, otherwise normal people obey her command to spend hours blindfolded in a cold, muddy, doorless maze.

The film seems to be a propaganda piece for a cult.

Well, don't just take my word for it, investigate yourself...just don't rent the movie unless you are an insomniac (in which case this ninety minute movie may just be a "cure for what ails" and a lot cheaper than prescription drugs)!

Animal Attraction

2007-02-13T16:54:00.000-06:00

The other day I was involved in an engaging "battle of wits" in the form of a team trivia contest. When asked how we performed, I would prefer to dodge the question like a skillful defense attorney or seasoned politician might. Let me just say that our team may not have won "the war of the propeller heads", but we would have kicked some @#^ in a tournament of "rock, paper, scissors".

After being humiliated, we consoled ourselves at a public drinking establishment (at least then our shody performance in intellectual concerns could be rationalized). We decided that we were not so dumb, in fact it was the questions that were dumb. Here is an example:

Q. What does a crocodile or alligator swallow to help it do dive deep and stay underwater?

A. Steve Irwin....(ouch, bad joke) - even I thought that it was in poor taste

The real answer was stones. I have eaten some strange things in my time (I even licked a cactus once, because I lost a bet); but I would never consider eating a stone. I suppose diamond smugglers or drug dealers have been known to ingest the "odd bag" of rocks; however I wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of any transaction involved in that sort of nonsense.

Here are some other strange animal trivia facts (please feel free to add your own in the comments):

1) 1,200-pound horse eats about seven times it's own weight each year...maybe it's time to call Jenny Craig.

2) A bird requires more food in proportion to its size than a baby or a cat.

3) A capon is a castrated rooster. Ouch! Cock-a-doodle-do to you!

4) A chameleon can move its eyes in two directions at the same time. Don't try this at home.

5) A chimpanzee can learn to recognize itself in a mirror, but monkeys can't. But the monkey can get ready to go out in 20 minutes where the chimpanzee usually takes hours (just on the hair).

6) A cow gives nearly 200,000 glasses of milk in her lifetime. I wonder how much ice cream that would be?

7) A female mackerel lays about 500,000 eggs at one time...And those eggs don't come "hard boiled" either!

8)A polecat is not even a cat; it is a nocturnal European weasel...And here I thought it was a European topless dancer.

9)A woodpecker can peck twenty times a second...That beats Peter Piper, anyday!

10)A zebra is white with black stripes.

We are your friends

2007-02-08T19:09:00.000-06:00

For those new to our blog, I wanted to explain who we are and what we are primarily. At bionicbuddha we make television shows and movies for portable multimedia devices, such as ipods and cell phones. I thought I'd make things easy and give you an example of what we do with an old episode of one of our shows called Distortions. In this episode, our host Jen uncovers some pretty interesting backwards messages in songs. Go to the television page of our main site, bionicbuddha.com for more episodes or different shows. For now enjoy.

SuperBowl

2007-02-03T16:58:00.000-06:00

Now a lot of people find one reason or another to cheer for one of these teams despite the fact that few us have any direct connections with the cities or teams. Some people cheer for the team that is most likely to win, perhaps because they have not acheived enough success in life or are just insecure. Other people prefer the "cinderella story" or the underdog.

As for myself, I cheer for whatever team has the most criminals playing on the roster. Football is a sport which seems to operate with its own criminal code of justice. Criminal behavior and its causes have long been debated by scholars and laymen alike. Is it born or learned behavior? Nature or nurture? While there are many theories, answers are hard to come by. I personally don't give a crap. All I know is there are a ton of shady characters in the NFL, and they have provided the opportunity to compile an All-Criminal team for the ages. On this list there will be no Honorable Mention. Here is a top 10 list of convicted felons who were all professional football players at one time or another:

O.J. Simpson - RB
The Juice is an obvious choice, so we won't spend much time with his legal qualifications for this team. Double-murder, here's your jersey.

Lawrence Phillips - RB
Arrested too many times to count, a washout in both the NFL and the CFL, Phillips has finally found a team that will take him. Young Lawrence, well... he has women problems. He knows more about battery charges than the manufacturers of DieHard and the Energizer bunny combined. He's beaten every girlfriend he ever had and once punched a woman in the face after she refused to dance with him at a Miami night club. While at Nebraska, in what may be his most famous carry, he was accused of breaking into his ex's room, dragging her by the hair down three flights of stairs, and jacking her head against a mailbox, which also earns him a nomination for the All-Caveman Team.

Rae Carruth - WR
Guilty of the most heinous crime in the history of the NFL (remember, OJ was acquitted), Carruth is an obvious choice. He orchestrated the execution-style murder of his pregnant girlfriend because she refused to have an abortion. While he only got into the end zone four times in his short career, you can rest assured that this wideout has been on the receiving end of numerous scoring drives since arriving in state correctional facilities, most of which were led by a couple of guys with swastika tattoos.

Barret Robbins - OL
Previously best known for disappearing the night before Oakland's Super Bowl thrashing in 2003, Robbins trumped that the following year by attacking three police officers who, being armed, shot him twice in the chest. Police reports indicate that even after being shot Robbins continued to attack the officers, which is just the kind of spunk we need on this team. The good news is that Robbins survived his wounds. The bad news is that he is facing three counts of attempted murder of a police officer.

Nate Newton - OL
Newton was a shoe-in for this team when he got busted in Louisiana with 213 pounds of marijuana after being pulled over for a traffic violation (who breaks traffic laws with a van full of drugs?), but then he made a serious case to become a team captain six weeks later when, while out on bail, he got busted again. This time it was 175 pounds of marijuana in the trunk of his car. One thing's for sure - when it's fourth and long, we know ol' Nate is down to 'go for it'.

Justin Strzelczyk - OL
Aside from only having one vowel in his last name (not counting "y"), Strzelczyk also had only one great defining moment. After a hit-and-run accident in New York, police chased his pickup 40 miles, during which Strzelczyk flipped off troopers and at one point threw a beer bottle at them. In the end, Strzelczyk crashed head on at 90 miles per hour into a tanker truck carrying corrosive acid, leaving an explosive scene police compared to an airplane crash. Strzelczyk didn't make it out alive, he did, literally, go down in a 'blaze of glory', and you gotta respect that. And for those concerned, the driver of the tanker escaped with only minor injuries.

Lawrence Taylor - LB
Went from cracking heads to crack head in record time. In his now infamous "60 Minutes" interview, Taylor claimed to have spent thousands of dollars a day on narcotics and to have hired prostitutes to go to opponents' hotel rooms the night before games. He's had numerous drug related arrests along with a tax evasion charge. Regarding his lifestyle in the late 1990s Taylor described his home as "like a crackhouse." I guess home is where your heart is.

Alonzo Spellman - DL
Spellman is the only member of this team to have been charged with terrorizing passengers on a commercial flight and forcing an emergency landing. According to investigators, once on the ground Spellman told the pilot "I am about to rip your throat out." Add to the mix weapons charges, a standoff with police from inside his publicist's home and the usual DUI and failure to appear charges, and you've got a starting D-lineman.

Mark Gastineau - DE
Assault, drug possession and woman-beating (burned a girlfriend with a cigarette lighter) are some of the charges he's faced. Repeated parole violations led to 11 months in Riker's Island prison. He admitted to using steroids while he played for the Jets. After his football career, he got into boxing. He finished with a 15-2 record and widely circulated reports that he was involved in fixed fights.

Jim Dunaway - DE
Charged with murder in the death of his former wife, Dunaway is the unpublicized OJ Simpson (and, in fact, was a teammate of The Juice in Buffalo for three seasons). Prior to her death, she had won a divorce judgment that gave her more than 800 acres the couple owned, $1,800 a month in alimony and half of Dunaway's NFL pension. A grand jury assigned to the case did not indict him ("if you didn't see them fight, you must not indict"). His kids then sued him in a civil suit and won. That doesn't mean he did it. Um.

Better Luck Dead

2007-01-28T20:09:00.000-06:00

Hey everyone, Dave from bionicbuddha sent a submission to 102.1 The Edge's YouTube challenge. For those outside Toronto and Ontario, Canada, CFNY/The Edge is a popular alternative terrestrial radio station. Here's the synopsis for the video he submitted, "Clint Handsome Slick is both a womanizer & renegade cop that never learned the rules. Ladies and Criminals don't have a chance when 'Slick' is on the case. Danny Pistano is the Chief - although Slick is a thorn in his side, he can't argue with his results. Slick's first movie, is called 'Better Luck Dead' or subtitled, H is for Handsome.
Show some support and check out his submission:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=paMPvMFhPa8

synchronicity

2007-01-25T21:01:00.001-06:00

I used to be fascinated by synchronicity in my life…it has always been there but I had started putting it out of my mind until recently when a friend of mine told me about something that just happened to him. Out of respect I can’t share his story but will tell you one of my own after helping clarify what synchronicity is in the context that I mean it. The Penguin English Dictionary defines it as the coincidence in a person’s life of two or more events which seemed to be linked in significance but which have no causal connection. Here are some examples I found on the internet:

“On Nov. 8, 1979, my brother came for dinner. He drops in for a surprise visit every four or five years, and on this occasion he wanted to hear about our trip to Scotland. I mentioned ospreys which breed at Loch Garten. Immediately afterwards my wife turned on the TV where a nature film had just begun. It was about ospreys and their life and breeding near Loch Garten.”

“On July 31, 1985, I was reading a textbook on anatomy and physiology in connection with a back injury, and I got the idea to measure my height, possibly to see if I had shrunk in the joints. Last time I measured my height was 2 years earlier. Less than two hours later the main character in a Swiss movie on TV had his height measured by some doctors.”

Ok, so here’s my story…it actually prompted me to start a book that I’ll never finish:

About three years ago, an old friend living in Detroit phoned me unexpectedly, I was listening to the song Deathwatch by Art Bergman. He began telling me about a dream his cousin, Alexia recently had that prophesized my death. She made him call me. I pissed my pants laughing and ridiculed the poor bastard to death. Four days following that, I received another phone call. I heard that Alexia’s mother passed away, very unexpectantly. Her brother, Nick and I had always been childhood friends but lost touch throughout the years. At the funeral, following the proceedings, Nick came over to me and said, “Alexia told me about the dream she had where you passed away, and then our mother dies. I thought to myself, so? There’s no connection there, and then I remembered something…Happy Birthday, he said. His mother died on my birthday, the exact hour I was born.

Life is mysterious, I haven’t decided if it’s fate or coincidence yet.

enter sandman

2007-01-21T19:16:00.000-06:00

My name is Iggy, I am one of the guys that works in production at bionicbuddha.com and v5tv.com. Dreams, I want to talk about dreams. A married co-worker once told me that she had a dream where she saw me standing on a hill and was calling my name and as she ran towards me we were being shot at, she then proeceeded to tell me that we had to twirl around to fly away together. I later discovered (through someone into dream symbolism) that it was in actuality a romantic dream...we were being chased and shot at because she was entertaining the thought of doing something wrong. The flying away bit was a dream about freedom...escaping her marriage. Don't worry, I'm not a creep, nothing became of it. My roomate also told me about this dream he recently had where we were being chased by vampires through the halls of our home, in his dream he told me that we had to wear bras to protect us from the vampires. He didn't say if there was garlic in them or not. I'm not homophobic and I'm not sure what his dream implied but I really didn't want to parade around in women's underwear if that's what he was hinting at wanting.
Peace.

Regina Monologues

2007-01-15T21:35:00.000-06:00

Who knew it, but apparently Regina Spektor is a huge Rewired fan who has a not-so-secret crush on show host, David (Professor) Brown. Spektor was quoted as saying, “I watch Rewired, it seems better and hipper than most stuff on television. It seems code lingo saturated. I’m so in love when I watch Mr. Brown’s word morphing and it comes across like a Japanese cyber-punk haiku.”
In response, Mr. Brown was quoted as saying, what can I say, that that broad has great lips…by the way did you know that Dr. Harvey Kellog intended his first breakfast cereal to be an antidote for masturbation?”
You can catch Professor Brown on The Late Show with Craig Ferguson next week and on the March cover of Kerrang! Magazine.
Watch Rewired here.
Peace.

fat boy slim

2007-01-07T21:14:00.000-06:00

Well, the new punk show Stumblevision is up at our home sites, bionicbuddha.com and v5tv.com. The new show is a departure from our usual fare. Our host Steve Stumble (former Sick Boys lead man), travels North America filming his adventures, think of it as punk rock reality TV with heart. In Rolling Stone magazine, Lester Bangs once wrote how impressed he was by Stumble's non-stop consumption of Irish whiskey and Guiness and that he found the Sick Boy quite charasmatic. See for yourself in our new show. Click the image above or here to watch episode 1.
Peace.

The Damaged Justice Tour...2007 Style!

2007-01-03T19:05:00.000-06:00

A man died after a scuffle on a city transit bus had been in a heated argument with youths about the rock band Metallica. A 15-year-old witness testified at a preliminary hearing into Stefan Conley's death that the 35-year-old had told the young people they had no taste in heavy metal music. Conley, who was originally from Cookshire, Que., then got angry when one of the teens he ridiculed undid his belt and a top button in an invitation to perform a sex act on him, the witness said. Conley, who stood 5 feet 11 inches and weighed 198 pounds, got up and grabbed the youth. The teen yelled at the older man and told him to get away from him. Three other teens then jumped up and began punching Conley and yelling at him to leave their friend alone. The punches were "hard punches, giving it all they got." Four teens are charged with manslaughter and are in youth court for a preliminary hearing to determine if there is enough evidence to send the case to trial. The attack on Conley lasted about 10 seconds and the youths stopped punching him once he let go of their friend. The witness said Conley appeared dazed, but was still standing when the punching stopped. The four youths got off the bus, but one stopped to shove Conley as he left. The passenger testified the burly man fell backwards and struck his head on the edge of a bus seat before sliding sideways to the floor. A witness said he heard a crunching sound when Conley hit his head. Conley then started making a loud snoring noise. The witness also told defence lawyer Ed O'Neill the four teens he saw punched Conley, but at no time did they kick him or stomp on his head. The witness said he was surprised to hear the next day that Conley had died because he didn't think he had been that badly hurt. It is not an uplifting news story at all, but certainly something to take note of. I would not want to get into any kind of a music appreciation with teenagers about the merits of Slayer...talk about "Enter Sandman"!!

The Governator

2006-12-26T15:38:00.000-06:00

With Rocky donning the boxing gloves and dancing around the ring like it was 1976, media attention has turned to other aging mega super stars to find out newsworthy events which happened recently.

Another former action hero of yesteryear (now turned California Governor) has fractured his right femur while skiing with his family in Sun Valley, Idaho, during the weekend. Arnold Schwarzenegger underwent a 90-minute operation in which cables and screws were used to wire the broken bone back together. Arnold could be heard yelling, "I'll be back" (somewhat reminiscent of his role in Terminator), while under heavy medication and being rushed into surgery.

"Luckily any Collateral Damage from the accident was contained better than his movie of the same title. ," said Dr. Kevin Ehrhart, who performed the operation at St. John's Health Center in Santa Monica, California, and also repaired former President Reagan's broken hip in 2001.

Officials have not said which trail the governor was skiing at Sun Valley when he broke his leg. The resort has a black diamond trail dubbed "Arnold's Run" in honor of Schwarzenegger. The resort is considering renaming the bunny hill "Last Action Hero". Best Wishes to Arnold for a speedy recovery...maybe Stallone could give him some training tips?

North Korean Army Gains R-E-S-P-E-C-T...Aretha Style!

2006-12-21T18:44:00.000-06:00

North Korean leader Kim Jong-il is reported to have found a rousing way of boosting morale among his troops - by giving them karaoke machines.

North Korea has one of the world's largest manned armies, but levels of training, discipline and equipment are reported to be low.

"I plan to send more song-accompanying machines to the People's Armed Forces," Kim Jong-il was quoted as saying by the Rodong Sinmun, the newspaper of the Workers Party of Korea, according to Japan's Kyodo news agency.

He told a meeting of military commanders that "the atmosphere changed completely" among troops when they started to sing along to the tunes on the machine. He also noted that soldiers and officers competed with each other to get the highest scores.

Kim keeps track of the number of karaoke machines sent out to each troop division by writing it down in a notebook, according to the Rodong Sinmun. Let's hope he doesn't lose that notebook in Karaoke Bar!

You're analog

2006-12-17T21:44:00.000-06:00

A new episode of the absolutely fabulous show Rewired is up at our main site www.bionicbuddha.com. In this episode, the good professor Brown examines the benefits of the rollercycle and leads you to find old school analog and rotary type phone plug-ins for your cell phone. It's pretty cool stuff. As always, the professor is a charmer. Not as much can be said for his sidekick Steve. You can check out the episode on our homepage as it is featured there or go to the episode and television page for the latest installment here. Enjoy.

Satanklaas

2006-12-14T21:04:00.000-06:00

We at bionicbuddha recently came across some interesting tidbits about the muddled origins of Santa. The oriniginal Santa was Dutch and known as Sinterklaas. Back in the day, about 325 AD, good old pious St. Nicholas and his sidekick "Black Peter" would roam the country side rewarding good children with candy, while whipping or beating the bad ones. There are also indications that the dynamic duo would also paint the faces of the bad children black. Make of it what you will, I've seen Roots and it sounds like Santa had a whole lot of slave labour, if you catch my drift.
Is Santa really that bad a guy now? Here's more, the original Dutch name, again that's Sinterklaas, means Klaus of the sinders...which is another name for Thor. To the church, Santa is known as Saint Nick, while Thor on the other hand was known as old Nick. Old Nick is also the name for someone else that's awfuly fond of red...the underworld (not born slippy), fire and brimstone...anyone?
Finally, before 1931 the image of Santa ranged from big to small and fat to thin. What happened in 31 you say? Artist Haddon Sundblom created the image that we all accept today as being Santa for Coca Cola. Now, have a Coke and a smile and enjoy Christmas.

Top 5 Game Shows of All Time

2006-12-08T19:00:00.000-06:00

The Price Is Right

Who can forget Plinko, contestant’s row, and of course the Showcase Showdown? Bob Barker, in his prime could have easily run for congress and won. "Oh, and by the way, you’ve just won a new car"!

Jeopardy!

I’ll take Game Show trivia for for $500, Alex. That’s what makes “Jeopardy!” such a treasure. I perosnally think that Ken Jennings incredible 74-game winning streak was a conspiracy to win back some of the game show marketshare from Regis...but it sure worked. He took home over $3 million in total prizes and the country was glued to the set.

Let's Make a Deal

I don’t care how much I need a new dining room table, I’m not dressing up as a chicken on national television. It could be a grand piano or a box of macaroni and cheese. And who could resist a "Monty Hual"?

Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

“Do you want to use a lifeline?,” “Should we ask the audience?,” “Is that your final answer?” When the $1 million was won the first time, it made the front page of USA Today. Of course, ABC, began to show too many episodes and the game soon lost its appeal...but it did have a good run.

Press Your Luck

"Big Money. No Whammies!" The phrase became a mantra for a generation (OK that might be a bit ambitious); but it was good entertainment value. The game show actaully was responsible for launching the career of day time talk show host Jenny Jones. It also introduced Michael Larson, a self-described unemployed ice cream truck driver who became famous for using a VCR to beat the network and show producers. Larson discovered that the presumed random patterns of the game board were not random; instead, they lit up in one of only five preset patterns. Larson identified two spaces on the gameboard where the Whammy would never appear and which always contained money plus a free spin, allowing him to increase his score and also retain control. Larson was able to memorize the sequences to help him stop the board where and when he wanted. On the single game in which he appeared, Larson hit a Whammy on his first spin, but then spun 45 times without hitting a Whammy, earning a total of $110,237. His total was a record for a single appearance on a daytime network game show up to that time. Stick that in your pipe, Bob Barker!!

SansL'BacT'esRiens

2006-12-03T19:09:00.000-06:00

This new video goes out to our friend Freak Magnet. Check out bionicbuddha.com and V5TV's latest episode of Vsides it features a music video from French guitar sensation Karl Bourdin and Bob from Watcha. The song is called, SansL'BacT'esRiens. Watch it on the homepage at www.bionicbuddha.com or check out the episode page here.

Life Imitating Art

2006-12-03T10:55:00.000-06:00

Chief Joe Winkle, of the Muncie, Indiana police force, has suggested Erik Estrada has put himself in a good position to become a reserve police officer. I wonder if those years of filming are going to come in handy for the former CHiPs star in terms of previous relevant experience? Workplace hazzards for an actor in Hollywood might be more related to over exposure of UV rays as opposed to over exposure of gun shots on the tough streets of Muncie.

“He’s doing well. He’s 57 years old. He never stopped on the mile-and-a-half run. So we were impressed,” Winkle told a local radio station. “He also knocked out the push-ups pretty easy. So for 57, he looks pretty good.” That sounds like a glowing recommendation to me...he might even be a candidate for the olympics, or at least a Rocky sequel.

Apparently, the actor who played "Ponch" Poncherello is in a group, trying out for the Muncie force for an upcoming reality show, including La Toya Jackson and Wee Man. Jackson failed part of the physical strength test and will get some additional training. I guess she may not quite be the physical speciman that "Ponch" exudes. Perhaps next time they could try to get William Shatner as a potential partner for Wee Man...I'm not sure which of these would strike more fear into the street hoodlums of Muncie.

The Grinch Who Stole Thanksgiving

2006-11-28T19:42:00.000-06:00

Billy Dee Williams can't bring himself to ever celebrate Thanksgiving. He told newspaper reporters, "It was the arrival of the Europeans which disrupted the entire Native American civilization and I think that was a tragedy." His high moral principles would likely be more credible if he wasn't well known for his appearances in advertisements for Colt 45, a low-cost brand of malt liquor. Before he cashed his pay cheques from the malt liquor manufacturer, I wonder if he ever thought about what impact alcohol had on the Native American civilization? Williams has also appeared in several commercials for Psychic Readers Network. It is too bad, they couldn't give him some career advice for accepting a role in Undercover Brother...You mess with da fro, you gotta go.

Shred til you're dead

2006-11-26T11:40:00.000-06:00

Prof. Brown tackles an 80's issue that should have died a long time ago - crotch-rocket-guitar rockin' this week on Rewired. Guitar shredding to the max, heavy metal, hairbands - all those things sensible people choose not to remember fondly. We all of course realise that nobody did it better then Bill N Ted, and yet it seems that Jack Black and Kyle Gass feels there is something left in this dying (dead) area of rock 'and or' roll - if you are curious, they are wrong and the movie is even more wronger (read as Winger).
In any event Tenacious D is now taking their act on the road as Spinal Tap did. Creating heavy metal ballads and arena stomping anthems seems to be their idea of resurrecting the past. For this I say, the guitar gods are not pleased - not pleased at all.
A Bionicbuddha insider tells us that one of the founding members of BB is a skid at heart. I ( D-Squared) wrote this and can unequivocally tell you it is not me. On that note, I will let you guess who is...

Things to do when you're dead

2006-11-22T21:22:00.000-06:00

I recently came across this very peculiar list of things to do when you're dead. For example:
1. Become a barrier reef, a company called Eternal Reefs mixes your cremated ashes with environmentally friendly concrete and drops you in the ocean...soon enough you'll be home to turtles and fish. Prices vary from about $900 to $5,000.
2. To the moon Alice! A company called Celestis will send between one and seven grams of you into space or to the moon, you pick. Don't have the cost on that one.
3. Shine on you crazy diamond. LifeGem takes carbon from your ashes and turns it/you into a flawless diamond, well usually about 50, one carat stones. Each stone costs about $14,000.00
4. There's plenty more but this is the last one. Real finger painting. Eternally Yours Everlasting Art will paint a canvas and sprinkle some of your ashes on the artwork, sealing it afterward.
I think I'm completely depressed now, I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
On a lighter note, we welcome a new/old friend to blogger, his blog is called Gomez Looks Thoughtful. Also check out A Bowl of Cherries, another new blogger friend. By the way, if you have linked to us and we haven't linked back, please let us know about the oversight, much appologies and we'd be happy to create a banner link in return.
Peace.

Float On

2006-11-19T18:28:00.000-06:00

There's a new episode of Distortions on the origins of band names. Included in the list are Belle and Sebastian, Modest Mouse, The Misfits and Nofx. As always, it's hosted by the lovely Jen Tilley. Check it out and get back to us with your feedback. Click the image above to take you to the episode page or go to www.bionicbuddha.com as it is features on our home page as well. It's not on this episode but did you know that the Ramones got their name from a Beatles reference? Paul McCartney originally wanted to go by the name, Paul Ramone. We also have some flash banners at the top of the blog that will take you to our bionicbuddha television and film homepage and another banner taking you to the episode I just told you about :)
Peace.

Dear Diary: Today I ate.

2006-11-16T07:00:00.000-06:00

Renee Zellwigger had to pad out her costume for her upcomming role as children's author Beatrix Potter, because she couldn't put on enough weight. It is funny that she was able to pile on the pounds as Bridget Jones, yet she struggles to eat regular meals while on the new movie's set.

According to media sources, Zellwigger believes that digesting food "saps her creative energies". I wonder if this is what Nicole Ritchie is suffering from? Perhaps they could both take a break from being so darn creative and just visit a buffet table once in a while. It kind of makes you wonder how Elvis did it all those years!

oops, not again

2006-11-16T00:54:00.000-06:00

Sorry but that last post titled "smell the roses" was deleted due to a technical error.
My bad.

Hoff with his head!

2006-11-08T18:06:00.000-06:00

David Hasselhoff insists any boy who messes with his daughter’s heart can expect a very painful amputation and in a very delicate area, too.

In typical Hasselhoff eloquence he revealed to press sources, "My oldest daughter is dating an older boy, so I said to her, 'You're only 16. There's plenty of time to have sex and fall in love.' To him, I said, 'If you hurt my daughter in any way, I will take you outside and I will cut your thing off. I will have no problem spending the rest of my life in prison,'".

This startling statement surfaces under somewhat ironic circum...stances, since just last month Hasselhoff was accused of trying to bed a blonde beautician young enough to be his daughter. His estranged wife has also accused the actor of being unfaithful and abusing their children and alleged that her ex-husband failed to reveal he had a sexually transmitted disease when they got married.

"Hasselhoff has Herpes"...wouldn't that make a great headline, if only the world didn't have other more pressing news.

Following on other Hasselhoff stories: Mel Brooks' famous musical 'The Producers' will open in Las Vegas and Hasselhoff will play the dress wearing Richard Debris, a role he is looking forward to.

During a press release Hasselhoff stated, "I'm just going to bring my own flair and the comedy of the Chrysler building, I'll be fun. It'll be lots of fun. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to have fun. I need to have fun. And God came to me and said you had enough stuff in your life the last year. Here's fun. And I'm going to have fun every night and that's the key."

So let me just get this straight: David Hasselhoff potentially abused his ex-wife and daughters, he threatens to "Bobitt" his daughter's boyfriend, and he is very excited about wearing a dress every night and singing to large crowds in Las Vegas. Is it just me or could this be a sign of the end times??

we can work it out

2006-11-05T17:28:00.000-06:00

We are back with new episodes for all our shows...Victory 5 television was on hiatus while filming new programs. On this new episode of Rewired, Professor Brown teaches you the fundamentals of how to call in sick by using a web site that pre-records your “sick” phone call to your boss and then allows you to set the phone number you want to display and the time you want to leave the message-preferrably when no one is in the office. You get to sleep in anywhere and not have to get up or get back home following a drunken evening for example to make that call so your home number shows up...easy...but check out the site while it's still legal, there may be some implications from being able to have any number appear while calling people. See the flash version of the show here or click the image to take you to the episode page.
Peace.

Safety Dance

2006-10-31T21:35:00.000-06:00

So today at our office we decided to put on a sort of impromptu show for a staff of about 150 for Halloween. We decided to recreate the video, Thriller by Michael Jackson. I must say it went over quite well and was delivered with some ad lib and plenty aplomb. We only had one day to practice the choreographed dance sequence. During practice yesterday, I accidentally clocked the girl beside me, almost knocking her out cold. Later that day she complained how hear head was still aching. I replied, “now you know what it feels like to be an Eastern European housewife"…I joke…speaking of Eastern Europeans…we at bionicbuddha are excited to see the new Borat film….one of my all time favourite Borat lines occurs when Borat is at a wine tasting and after having too much to drink, laments to some companions that his mother never loved him, “she say she wish I was never born…she say , she wish she was raped by someone else”. Happy Halloween.

Borat is "bad taste and ill manners"...that never stopped Jerry Springer !!

2006-10-25T19:16:00.000-05:00

It appears that 20th Century Fox has cut in half the number of theaters that had been booked to show "Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan". Perhaps they think that middle-America will not "get" Borat, or that as Bruce Snyder (Fox distribution chief) told the Los Angeles Times that despite enormous pre-release publicity and marketing, the studio's research had concluded that the movie was "soft in awareness." I wonder if any of this was related to Borat's UK premiere in London's Leicester Square, where he addressed the audience "Good evening gentlemen and prostitutes. After this I stay in a hotel in Kings Cross, you must come and join me. We will all drink, wrestle with no clothes on and shoot dogs from the window." I don't know what Fox's problem is, that already sounds like a regular Wednesday in many parts of the country.

Get the funk out

2006-10-23T23:06:00.000-05:00

Well, this recommendation comes about a decade too late, but I don’t suppose anyone has heard of the show, Funky Squad? It was a 70’s cop parody from

Australia

that aired in 1995. Borrowing a bit from the Mod Squad, the team of Funky Squad were sexy, young and hip undercover cops, so cool that they were able to pass undetected among kids on the street. You dig? Grant was the suave group leader, Cassie the brains and beauty…rowr, Stix the kick-some-ass hero with the Afro haircut, and Poncho was a brainy, mute with electronics savvy (he lost his tongue stopping a bullet with his mouth). Of course, they all answered to the Chief, an intense and dramatic senior officer. Flares, tank-tops, paisley shirts, tasselled waistcoats, disco hairdos and all the other elements of early 1970s fashions were exploited to absurdity. If you can find it on the net, I highly recommend checking it out, you’ll laugh your ass off. Steve Irwin, rest in peace.

Garageland, the ballad of Steve Stumble

2006-10-23T23:01:00.000-05:00

I'm not saying we're bigger than Jesus, or better than Jesus...

2006-10-19T23:11:00.000-05:00

So here are some little known facts about the Buddha. There are several people that play an integral role in the development and hosting of our television shows on our main site www.bionicbuddha.com. Here is a summary of our ecclectic and combined historic backgrounds: personal fitness trainer, game show developer, magazine publicist, teacher, military historian, syndicated comic strip cartoonist, bar owner, government tax auditor, financial broker, government investigator and telecommunications representative.
Me, I am a government investigator, outside making internet based television shows for multimedia devices. Sorry about the vague description regarding "what type of investigator specifically", however as I am still employed in this particular field I did not want to get too descriptive about my role. I wanted to tell you about a particularly interesting investigation, well the investigation wasn’t that interesting but the person involved as a witness was fascinating. I went into the home of this 80 year old Croatian grandmother that spoke with broken English. She had a room that was a shrine dedicated to Jesus and other Catholic iconography. At the top of a wall decorated with multiple pictures of Jesus was a single picture of Elvis. I asked her, “Why do you have a picture of Elvis above all the pictures of Jesus?”. The Croatian grandmother replied, “I love Jesus, but I love Elvis even more”. God bless.

Peace.

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup

2006-10-12T01:10:00.000-05:00

Since rat hair and insects in the processed food we eat is pretty much inevitable, The American Food and Drug Administration was required to determine how much crap was too much. Here are some standards fit for for human consumption:
1. In canned spinach: 2 or more caterpillars whose lenth is not more than 24 mm per 24 pounds of spinach.
2. In canned tomatoes: 2 or more maggots or 10 or more fly eggs in 500 grams
3. In ginger: 3 or more milligrams of mamal feces per pound
4. In ground oregano: 1,250 or more insect parts in 10 grams
5. In pasta products: 225 insect parts in more than 225 grams
I will add one last item to close things up…wheat…9 milligrams of rat feces in a kilogram. I was going comment on how half the cereals out there tast like s*#t, but that would be a bit too easy now, wouldn’t it? Somehow the “revelations” in the film, Supersize Me don’t seem so bad any more.
Peace.

running with the devil

2006-10-12T00:11:00.000-05:00

There's a new episode of Distortions on our bionicbuddha main site. Since our original show on backwards messages was so popular, we thought we'd make another...so here it is, backwards messages in songs 2.
We have been busy filming new episodes for our existing lineup of Victory 5 television shows and developing new ones we hope to release soon. You can see the latest episode of Distortions on our homepage in a no download flash version or click the image above to take you to the episode page.
Peace.

Celebrity Headlines

2006-09-27T19:16:00.000-05:00

Sometimes when I skim the newspaper headlines certain headlines may grab my attention and invariably make me curious to read further. I am including here a list of my favourite headlines which have surfaced in the recent news:

Schwarzenegger Gives up Hummers - Arnold has ditched his beloved fleet of Hummer vehicles in a bid to save the environment. Good work Arnold. He might even be presedential material, if he could only keep his mouth shut long enough to stop from making prejudgemental comments about Cubans and Puerto Ricans.

a completely unrelated headline:

Simpson Wears Rooster Neclance to Make up for Lack of Sex - To borrow a quote from a more witty source...Cock-a-doodle-doo or any-cock-will-do?

and last, but not least:

Baby Suri Cruise Dumps $10,000 on Charity - Internet Casino GoldenPalace.com Buys a Bronze Casting Inspired by Suri Cruise's Baby Poop - GoldenPalace.com has made a name for themselves by buying strange and sometimes ridiculous items that make headlines worldwide. Their assortment of oddities is currently touring the US in a traveling museum. Included are such well-known items as the Britney Spears Pregnancy Test, William Shatner's Kidney Stone, and the wildly popular Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Sandwich. The baby poop will take it's rightful place in Golden Palace's motley collection of American pop-culture. I am just glad that they did not choose to create a sculpture based on the crap that comes out of Tom Cruise's mouth these days. In a world that just seems to be filled with people who have more money than brains how long will it be before we see a bronze casting inspired by a Paris Hilton STD?

Addicted to Amanda

2006-09-24T18:41:00.000-05:00

There's a new episode of Vsides featuring another Australian artist, her name is Amanda Baker. If you haven't watched the show already, Vsides is a MTV-ish video show that features artists from all over the world that may not always get noticed due to geographic location or indie status. I can assure you that all the videos are usually well polished and unique and the video by Amanda Baker is no exception. The video is produced by her brother a talented film maker whose work has appeared in almost every film festival you can think of, so check it out. The no download fash version can be viewed on our homepage otherwise click the image above to take you to the Amanda Baker, Vsides page at www.bionicbuddha.com.
Enjoy.

Oroslan the @#$%*&!

2006-09-17T23:10:00.000-05:00

Fathers, secure your daughters, that handsome fribbler, Oroslan is back and looking to court before winter's hibernation. Well, there is a new episode of World 1 Wrestling up now. Oroslan misses his lines and such profanity ensues that it would make Quentin Tarantino blush. Click the image above to take you to the World 1 episode page or click this homepage link to take you to the no download flash version.
Enjoy.

Tag...7 unknown things about the Buddha

2006-09-12T21:41:00.000-05:00

1. I have been into music and records since I was a baby. Perhaps it is because I was born in a taxi, while my Mom and Dad were on the way to a U2 concert. I guess I was trying to get in without a ticket or paying at the door.

2. I have the Muppet Movie Soundtrack on vinyl, and carry fond memories of Disco Duck.

3. My favorite vegetable is the carrot. Although In the commercial world, European Union rules define carrot as a fruit for the purposes of measuring the proportion of "fruit" contained in carrot jam.

4. I enjoy cooking and eating. One of my favorite snacks is Sunflower Worcestershire Delight. It is prepared by taking unhulled sunflower seeds, drenching them in Worcestershire sause and then sprinkle garlic salt on it for some added flavoring.

5. I once tried slices of chedder cheese in my morning coffee. It is not bad...but I have since moved to skim milk.

6. I will always consider Pluto a part of our solar system. I think it is outrageous to consider it a "dwarf planet"...

7. I am afraid (nervous) of heights. I tend to push my self to conquer this fear by doing things like rock climbing, sky diving, and para gliding.

Tag, you're it - Vietnemese God...

One for the band

2006-09-04T19:35:00.000-05:00

The video and song "one for the boys" by babygod is one of the staff favourites at bionicbuddha. We like it so much we thought we'd give it a bit of extra push by recommending that everyone check it out at www.bionicbuddha.com/vsides. The band is from Glascow, Scotland and make their own videos. They are among the first people we met on myspace. Check them out at www.myspace.com/babygod. Ruby from the band also makes other great videos you can see at eastside films. Anyway, enjoy and get back to us with your thoughts on the show vsides and the video.
Peace.

Bobby Brown: putting the "infidel" back into "infidelity"

2006-09-02T11:56:00.000-05:00

Well just when you started to feel sorry for Bobby in his plight to avoid any assasination attempts financed by an unnamed Saudi millionaire, it turns out there may infact be more more to this story...

Karrine Steffans, who has also been romantically involved with a number of other entertainment personalities, insists she's no homewrecker, but won't deny sleeping with Bobby.

She was recently quoted in the New York Daily News, "It's a really tricky situation...But if a marriage is already wrecked, that's not my fault. "

In her book she has detailed previous encounters with Brown. She alleges of a 2002 meeting, "He told me he was a member of al Qaeda and that President Bush was looking for him."

It is hard to establish any credibility for Bobby, when he has made a career for himself crooning:

'Get up off my back
Save a heart attack
Ain't nobody Humpin' Around
No matter what they say
No it ain't that way
Ain't nobody humpin around'

Let's just hope this thing ends peacefully with Osama and Whitney exchanging vows in a big public wedding ceremony. Although our hypothetical guest list would be pure speculation, I am guessing Don Johnson, Macyver (Richard Dean Anderson) and the cast of Wonder Years would all be honoured guests...

IKEA selling hotdogs?

2006-08-29T21:24:00.000-05:00

I recently came across an article that stated the Ikea catalogue had surpassed the bible as the largest circulating publication in the world. The new 2007 Ikea Canada catalogue certainly puts new meaning to the term, a “balls out” business approach. The inside of a two-page, front-cover foldout portrays a family lounging on a bed with a dog that appears to a large human-like appendage that would make Tommy Lee envious. Ikea officials in Canada have denied rumors that a disgruntled employee manipulated the image in Photoshop claiming, " The picture has definitely not been tampered with…We saw this particular photo when the prints came through here in Canada....but we can definitely say this is a picture of a dog's leg, and it is not something else."
Ikea CEO Anders Dahlvig reported that he couldn’t bear any further cracks about “Swedish meatballs” or “wiener schnitzel”. After seeing the catalogue’s inside cover Burlington, Ontario resident and housewife Agnes Pullman promptly exclaimed “for heaven’s sake, think of the children”. Eden Fantasy adult toy shop owner, Morgan Steele appeared puzzled by the new catalogue stating, “I thought the Germans were into this stuff…but the Swedes?…I mean, they like their Seka, but this other stuff?”
Swedish car manufacturer Volvo is also hoping to cash in the notoriety of the catalogue and have decided to add two new vehicles to their Fall 2008 lineup, included will be the KY 300 series and the new fuel/battery hybrid SUV dubbed the Astroglide.
As for Ikea, the home-furnishing company's catalogues have come under scrutiny in the past as its publications have developed an online cult following as mysterious cat pictures, Mickey Mouse references and weird publications wedged into book shelves in catalogue images have been discovered.

wicked easy Gelaskins contest week 4

2006-08-29T19:27:00.000-05:00

We're in week four of our wicked easy Gelaskins contest...We still have lots of skins to give away.....So here's your chance to win one for yourself. Now get on with it and answer the following trivia question: What phrase does bionicbuddha/V5TV television anchor utter at the end of each episode of Mostly Weird News?...and to make things really easy, here's a link to the Mostly Weird News homepag e. Click the image above to take you to the Gelaskins site to choose a skin and email us at contact@bionicbuddha.com with your trivia answer and skin preference. As we are starting to run down our supplies some choices may be limited.
Have fun.

missing in action

2006-08-27T20:27:00.000-05:00

There's a new episode of Rewired posted on our main site and be alert as week 4 of our Gelaskins contest is approaching. There have been a number of lucky winners in our ongoing contest and we are eagerly waiting for pictures we hope to post soon. The new Rewired episode features some lost footage from Rewired. Check it out at bionicbuddha.com/rewired
Thanks to Stumble Records for the ongoing support as well.
Thank you for viewing.
Peace.

Osama Bin Laden: Ain't nobody humpin' around

2006-08-22T20:42:00.000-05:00

A bizzare story has surfaced which has Osama bin Laden, the mastermind of terror group al-Qaeda, as a former fan of singer Whitney Houston; such that he once considered marriage and having her husband Bobby Brown killed.

Sudanese poet and novelist Kola Boof, who says she was kept against her will as Bin Laden’s mistress for four months in 1996, makes the revelation in her new autobiography. According to the author, “He said he wanted to give her a mansion he owned in a suburb of Khartoum."

Our sources could not reach Bobby for comment, although it is believed he said:

"Everybody's talking all this stuff about me.
Why don't they just let me live?
Tell me why I don't need commission
Make my own decisions
That's my prerogative"

In Boof's autobiography she reckons Bin Laden also had a taste for Western literature. “In his briefcase I would come across photographs of the Star magazine, as well as copies of Playboy,” she wrote.

More surprising is that he would also “ramble on” about his favourite TV shows ‘Miami Vice’, ‘The Wonder Years’ and ‘MacGyver’, she claimed.

I think we can all excuse the occasional pining for western literature as well as strong interests in TV...but Miami Vice? I think even Don Johnson's family considered having him killed after the series.

TP - Title Plot

2006-08-18T19:14:00.000-05:00

There are a rare few titles that can sum up an entire movie in one sentence - the "Title-Plot" movies (yes, we made it up or 'coined it' if you will) or "T.P." for short (I am aware of the other acronym which is quite appropriate for these types of movies).

"Snakes on a Plane" did just that. There is no underlying message, there is no subplot or subtext that you have to see the movie to understand. You just need the T.P.

Cheers to the people at New Line Cinema graphics department (thanks Sherry Wilchowski!) for giving BB a shout out on the "SOAP" poster; hidden in the scales of the snakes. Clever boys & girls there are New Line...

Wicked Easy, Gelaskins contest week 3

2006-08-17T20:03:00.000-05:00

We're in week three now of our Gelaskins contest...bionicbuddha blog regular Freak Magnet won a skin along with some other contestants. Freak Girl, you've yet to tell us your ipod style so we can ship you your gelaskin...you gotta hit that girl and get back to us. We have lots of skins to give away...and the contest is wicked easy...Ok, here's the question: Which music video on the V5TV/bionicbuddha show Vsides features "stripper imagery"? Tell us the name of the band and song...and to make things really easy, here's a link to the Vsides homepage. Click the image above to take you to the Gelaskins site to choose a skin and email us at contact@bionicbuddha.com with your trivia answer and skin preference.
Have fun.

What's eating Val Kilmer?

2006-08-14T20:06:00.000-05:00

Val Kilmer has been found. He did not move to South East Asia to pursue philosophical ideals or learn a new dialect from Central American aboriginals. He was not kidnapped by a tribe of Indonesian cannibals or abducted by aliens from a distant planet. It turns out he has been working as a short-order chef in a Jacksonville International House of Pancakes.

It is hard to believe that he has been successful in bridging this career transition, when so many other celebrities have failed to launch second-phase careers. When he was asked what was the most challenging aspect of his job, Kilmer responded, "I love my job, because I like pancakes, and I love bacon". My hat is off to Val...the man who put "honest" back into the phrase "an honest day's work".

Gelaskins contest week 2

2006-08-06T22:09:00.000-05:00

We're in week two of our Gelaskins contest, having given away one of our awesome Gelaskins to a lucky winner in Reston, Virginia. We hope to post some pictures of our winners with their awesome new ipod skins on the blog. So now...not only do you win a fabulously cool skin, you also get to have your picture posted. Well, only if you want to...but I mean who wouldn't? Past winners have recieved fan mail, marriage propsals and commercial endorsements ;) This week's trivia question is a bit easier as we had complaints last time that we made it a bit too difficlt. Ok, here's the question: On which Distortions episode does Jen yell the phrase "goodnight Chicago, we love you!" Click the image above to take you to the Gelaskins site to choose a skin and email us at contact@bionicbuddha.com with your trivia answer and skin preference.
Have fun.

Hear me roar

2006-08-06T22:00:00.000-05:00

There's a new episode of Mostly Weird News. It's less weird than usual and not as fun but we thought it was important to talk about as we felt strongly about the subject matter. Check out the "no-download" flash version here or click the image above to take you to the episode page.
Peace.

Who cries for the children? I do

2006-08-01T22:46:00.000-05:00

The following is a bionicbuddha exclusive world premier announcement from our friend Dave Meniketti who has been working on a secret project. Here are the details: On May 20th and 21st in 1985 40 heroic artists from the hard rock and metal community gathered at A&M Records Studios to make a record and single called “Stars” to raise money for famine relief efforts in Africa. Now, slightly over 20 years later they are assembling again, this time they are going to create peace in the Middle East by re-recording the smash hit single, “Stars”. Back then they were called Hear’N’Aid, this time rumours indicate that they may be renamed “Fear’N’Aid”. The 80’s lineup featured lead vocals from Ronnie James Dio (Dio), Dave Meniketti (Y&T), Rob Halford (Judas Priest), Kevin Dubrow (Quiet Riot), Eric Bloom (Blue Öyster Cult), Geoff Tate (Queensryche) and Don Dokken (Dokken).
Preclusions from this year’s lineup will include Rob Halford from Judas Priest. Halford commented on his exclusion by stating, “it’s because I’m f@*%#$ gay isn’t it? F@&# you Marky Mark and that shi#@y movie Rock Star, we all know it was about me”.
Ronnie James Dio, founder of both Hear’N’Aid projects reported that the Fear’N’Aid lineup will include Daron Malakian (System of a Down), Aaron Lewis from Staind, David Draiman from Disturbed, Corey Taylor (Slipknot), Brandon Boyd (Incubus) and Scooter Ward from Cold. Also returning this year will be Don Dokken and Geoff Tate from Queensryche. Dio was quoted as saying, “you can’t refuse guys as pretty as Don and Geoff”
When asked about Aaron Lewis of Staind singing his famed line, “We are calling you, calling you”, Tate of Queensryche who sang the original verse replied, “It’s my f*@#%in’ line, he can’t have it”.
Dio pledged to film a video in Lebanon this week and assist those fleeing combat by setting up a “peace corridor” guarded by 780 guitar soloists from heavy metal’s finest. “I like to call it a bridge to freedom” Dio joked, “get it?...Bridge?...Like a guitar bridge or the bridge to a song…..cough….it’s a double entendre”.
Metallica’s James Hetfield snubbed from Stars for a second time was quoted as saying, “Dio, I am madly in anger with you, tic, tic, tic, toc”.
Dio’s lyrics are true now as they were back then (this is also an ode to our blog friend Freak Magnet)…”Some time in the night, when you're feeling the cold, take a look at the sky above you. Those are faces in the light if the story were told. They are calling you, calling you”.
If you have never had the pleasure of seeing the original video and song "Stars" by Hear'N'Aid see it here on YouTube.
Peace.

Gelaskin contest week 1

2006-07-26T22:26:00.000-05:00

Well, the time has come to win an ultra cool Gelaskin for your ipod, whichever type it may be. Bionicbuddha will be giving a skin away each week for the next several weeks care of our friends at Gelaskins. I have to say that this is one remarkable product too, click the image above to take you to the Gelaskins site to see all the different styles for your ipod nano, video, mini or regular.
So here's the contest and it starts now: In one of our shows our host tells the audience that they were born on "tell a lie day". Who was the host and what was the show and episode? Go to our television page to search the episodes for your answer, here's the link for bionicbuddha television. Please do not send answers through our blog. Send your answer submissions to http://www.bionicbuddha.com/contact.htm that way we can reply and get an address to mail your prize. Also tell us the type of ipod you have and we will advise you of available skins. If you don't win this week, not to worry, try again next week as we have lots to give away. Good luck to you all.

guys and dolls

2006-07-23T22:14:00.000-05:00

The government of Mexico had recently engaged in an Ad campaign that some have percieved as being full of hot air. Will the project go limp? Find out in the latest episode of Mostly Weird News. Our stalwart reporter also exposes internet predators on myspace. Shame, shame, what is the world coming to when a 45 year old man can't meet a 14 year old girl to discuss bible studies. The episode can be watched by clicking the image above. If you want the no download flash version go to our homepage where it is our featured video for the next few days, here's the immediate link, http://www.bionicbuddha.com/
Peace.

This Guiness is Rippa'

2006-07-20T18:44:00.000-05:00

A kangaroo is roaming the green hills of Ireland after escaping a circus near the picturesque port of Kinsale.

"This kangaroo broke loose just before the show while they were bringing him from the cages to the arena. He decided to take a walk but has not returned," said local farmer John Walsh on whose land the 2-year-old male, named Sydney, made his break for freedom.

Circus staff launched a fruitless four-hour search following the escape on Sunday. Once it got dark, the staff went to the bar for boiled potatoes and warm beer. Although they did not find the animal that night, they did get up to some merriment and sang some "right deadly" tunes.

There had since been one unconfirmed sighting of the animal, renamed "Hoppy" by locals and described as two and a half to three foot (76 to 91 centimetres) tall and dark in colour.

Colin Farrell has also been missing but his disappearance may be linked to a 6 day bender which has seen the actor tossed from numerous bars, several hotels, and a brothel in a fishing community, which goes on record to serve "basses, lasses, & asses".

Ride the Rocket: 4 penis wine.

2006-07-17T21:07:00.000-05:00

Bionicbuddha has expanded into the field of spirits and the realm long dominated by Seagrams. “We’re looking to upstage the popular Chinese three penis wine by making a Canadian four penis wine”, added bionicbuddha chairman Andrew Carnegie . Mr. Carnegie further added, “we’ll give those Wal-Mart supplying mutha-f*#@ers a run for their money”. For those living in cave for the past 20 years, yes, China does make a three penis wine that consists of one part dog penis, one part seal penis and three parts deer penis. Bionicbuddha has upped the ante by including moose penis to the familiar ingredients. American vice-president Dick Cheney described the drink as “nutritious and robust” adding that it cleared his shingles and improved his memory loss.
Popular film star Jill Kelly added, “I’ve tasted better and somehow I thought the flask would be bigger”. While on set of “You, Me and D.P.”, co-star Chasey Lain reported, “If you wanted to make this stuff more potent you should have added some buck, as in Buck Adams, now that’s yummy”.

Gelaskin contest announcement

2006-07-13T22:12:00.000-05:00

Bionic Buddha has partnered with a new sponsor called Gelaskins. They make very cool skins for your ipod, whatever it may be (nano, mini, video, etc) in various designs and styles. Click the image to take you to their home page. You really need to see these things for yourself, pictures do not do it justice or capture how incredible these skins really are, the vibrant colours or technology behind them. But you don't have to wait long to own one to protect your ipod. We will be announcing a simple contest very shortly to give you the chance to get one very easily. Stay tuned and if you have been watching our shows you may have noticed clues already. One cool contest, one cool product.

Pirates of the Caribbean, the real phantom menace

2006-07-11T12:48:00.000-05:00

I recently saw Pirates of the Caribbean and realized that it has an eerily familiar theme...cue 20th Century Fox drum roll, followed by text scroll on star field space backdrop: Turmoil has engulfed the British Colonial Empire. There is unrest in outlying trade routes…evil is everywhere...You got me, it’s Star Wars I’m talking about. I must admit that it is going to be awfully difficult to draw comparisons without turning this article into a spoiler but I’ll give it a shot.
I recently discovered that Pirates of the Caribbean is now a trilogy. I will compare it to the only Star Wars trilogy that mattered, the original with Harrison Ford et al.
Watching Pirates, I noticed that Dead Man’s Chest takes off where the original left off. There is a love triangle forming that we are all familiar with. Jack Sparrow played by Johnny Depp assumes the role of devilish rogue Han Solo (Harrison Ford), Orlando Bloom as Will Turner the nancy boy hero modeled after Mark Hamill’s, Luke Skywalker and let us not forget the feisty heroine Elizabeth Swan played by Keira Knightley replacing Princess Leia (Carrie Fisher). The similarities are so close that the only thing that Ms. Knightly’s character didn’t do was call Captain Jack Sparrow a “nerf herder”. Hmmm, Sparrow and Swan? I fully expect that Knightly will wind up with Bloom at the end of it all but, there is this curious battle between light and dark for both Sparrow and Swan. I’m waiting for Darth Vader a.k.a. Davy Jones to pronounce “the force is strong with this one” when he meets Swan.
You have your usual cast of beasties, meanies and other subversive characters that drive the plot. There’s Jack Davenport’s Norrington as Boba Fett and Jack Sparrow’s right hand man Gibbs (Kevin McNally) as Chewbacca. He’s certainly hairy enough to be Chewy. There’s the characters Pintel and Ragetti as R2D2 and C3PO. Finally, while Johnny Depp’s character wasn’t frozen in carbonite at the end of Dead Man’s Chest he wasn’t far off (you’ll see what I mean), setting off another adventure for the final installment. C’mon It’s painstakingly obvious. Does George Lucas know that Disney is ripping off his plot lines?
Somehow though, I don’t think that Dead Man’s Chest will be the only film in the Pirate’s of the Caribbean trilogy that mattered unlike “Empire” was to Star Wars…ouch.
For more Sci-Fi, check out the smashing Adventures of Space Squadron.
Peace.

devil inside

2006-07-11T12:44:00.000-05:00

RSS

2006-07-06T11:44:00.001-05:00

Podcast Alley

Remember, you can download all of the podcast of our TV shows with Podcast-a-bility :
Distortions | Mostly Weird News | Rewired

My Odeo Channel (odeo/514e60d586d600a4)

Calling All Bands

2006-07-03T11:15:00.000-05:00

Madonna: From Dunkin Donuts to Blonde Ambition

2006-07-02T22:48:00.000-05:00

In June, it was announced that Madonna and her tour dancers, would be the new face of an H&M fashion line. A specially-made "Madonna tracksuit" was also announced as being prepared for the retail chain. This "new" Madonna tracksuit is to be sold exclusively in the stores as well, but there is no word yet on marketing strategy. I have a suggestion...how about a "high mileage and all-season" product line. They could also include some hip hugging jeans for Keith Richards, and some rayon dress shirts for Charlie Sheen.
Making a career of satirizing celebrities' lives is commonplace for many entertainment journalists, but for those who are more interested in knowing the real facts check out this episode of Distortions which disspells any myth that Madonna once took an IQ test and the results were "negative".

World Cup Soccer - winners and losers

2006-06-30T12:46:00.000-05:00

I don't know. Maybe it is just me, but I really don't like watching World Cup Soccer when it is the shoot-outs. Why can't there be two winners? I guess what it really comes down to is that like with any sport, I really don't have a vested interest in the teams - one winning is the same as the other in my eyes. I have often had talks with people that are fanatical about sports - ones that have followed teams their whole lives and even get into fisticuffs over them. I asked them one simple question 'if your teams wins, do you get any of the financial benefits afforded to them?'. The answer is always guffaws and 'you just don't get sports'. Maybe that is true. Maybe I don't get it. I don't get the sports commentators that break down a sport that they themselves have never played at any high level. Critical judgements of 'calls' and 'plays' for sports commentators are as easy as falling down. It doesn't matter if they are right or wrong. If they are right, they continue with their 'I told you so attitude' - if they are wrong, you will never know it. But I digress. The World Cup is nearing the end and today when I watched Argentina and Germany in the shoot-outs, I really didn't care who won, but I sure was sad that one had to lose.

Tamara Hoover: Don't Mess With Texas

2006-06-25T19:31:00.000-05:00

In a classic "school teacher vs. schoolboard" battle for the rights to private life outside of the classroom, Tamara Hoover has been "stripped of her duties" (pardon the pun).

The Texas teacher has lost her job for nude photos posted online. She claims artistic privilege. The school district saw things differently, saying the photos violated a "higher moral standard" expected for public school teachers.

I'm not sure what to think of this, but I am so glad that we didn't have to worry about this happening back in the days of "Welcome Back Kotter". I shudder to think of what poor Horshack, Vinnie Barbarino, and Freddie "Boom Boom" Washington would have done if they had witnessed nude photos of Mr. Kotter.

It is funny to think that the school where Ms. Hoover used to teach was the former school of the Bush twins. An interesting setting, from which to launch a challenge to Texas' morally conservative majority.

...And from "Bushes" to trees, check out the latest edition of Rewired, where Professor Brown tackles some of the great sites in the "blogosphere".

Fearless

2006-06-20T11:48:00.000-05:00

Let me abbreviate the begining to this story. A few days ago a nasal spray (used for allergies) called Nasonex scorched my sinuses causing them to bleed profusely. Blocking my nose caused blood to pour from my mouth.

I lost a lot of blood and wound up at Toronto General Hospital. Ok, so here’s the funny part, I can finally understand how people have near death experiences. At some point at the hospital I told the doctor I had coagulated blood in my throat causing difficulty breathing. He administered an anesthetic spray to my throat to inhibit gag reflex in order to remove the blood.

He managed to remove it and left in the room. At that point I began to feel drowsy and in what felt like the blink of an eye, I saw a face staring at me. The room and this Asian woman’s face had a glow and aura surrounding it. I realized it was a nurse after I heard her yelling “he’s had a couple of seizures”.

Briefly before that time however I repressed the urge to say 3 things: one, “am I dead?”, two, “are you an angel?” and three, “my God, you’re beautiful”.

As I became lucid, I found the hospital staff tearing off my clothes, “I feel fine” I kept insisting. They cut open my shirt and were pulling of my pants. “Uh, could I keep my underwear on please?” I replied. My undies, my God, don’t remove my underwear I thought. After all you haven’t bought me drinks yet. They made a bit of a fuss but relented. I later realized that I was feeling a bit wet. “Doc, did I pee myself while I was out?” I asked.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it though, just me and about 20 other staff know”, he joked.

It ended up that I did not have a seizure. It was a common reaction to pass out following the anesthetic as it drops your blood pressure and I had already lost some considerable blood.

The whole experience was very surreal and undisturbed. I can see that part where people say that they felt tremendous peace in these stressful moments. For the rest of my evening in hospital care I kept repressing the urge to ask questions to the nurse questions like, “are you single?”, “I love you” and “you’re my savior”.

Today I have a renewed lust for life and find myself often standing at the precipice of a tall building leaning over, staring down at the world as I have become, FEARLESS. Hmm, well, not really, kidding at the last part but many thanks to the staff at Toronto General Hospital. You are very beautiful people each and every one of you. To the lovely Asian nurse and others in attendance that night…I love you ;)

PS. Thanks to Lynda for calling the ambulance and coming to the hospital. I’m sorry for leaving your bathroom looking like a crime scene.

PSS. I told my friend Dave about the experience, he sketched out his interpretation of events for my biography. They are as follows:

The Day I Died by Gregory White
I am not one for melodramatics or histrionics, so when I had a nose bleed the other day, I didn't think anything of it. Instead, I mopped up the blood and continued on my way to the local orphanage to work in the kitchen. Since where I was going was over 2 hours away, I trusted the bleeding would stop in time so I could help those poor innocent chldren whose mothers surely came from ill repute. After about 1 hour of constant bleeding, I realised that something might be dreadfully wrong. Looking in the mirror, I saw that I was white as a ghost. Not wanting to stop, I continued on, trusting in Buddha to speed me on my way. After another 1/2 hour I realise my folly in trying to continue and pulled over to catch my breath. Another car was parked along the side of the highway - a family of 3 generations - mother, father, grandmother and children, so I had to pull around them carefully as to avoid them. As I got out of the car, I heard the child scream.
"Zombie!"
Looking down I realised how much blood I had lost. I had covered my shirt and my face. Looking in the reflection of the window, I saw I was completely pale as well. A blood curdling scream suddenly shook me from my reverie.
"Muerte! Muerte!" the old italian women cried and fainted. She saw death.
Jumping back into my car, I realised the full gravity of the situation I found myself in. I was dying.
Speeding onto the highway, I swerved to avoid two cars and took off at the next exit ramp. I was sweating and bleeding profusely as a gaggle of baby ducks passed in front of my car. I was dying, but dammit, I wouldn't be taking anyone else with me!
I drove into the hospital and barely got the car parked. I was fading. I could see the edges of my vision blackening toward oblivion. I knew for a certainy what it must feel like to die.
Stumbling from the car, covered in blood, I made my way into the waiting room. The nurse immediately saw my plight and moved me up from 5th in line to 3rd in line. It brings out the best in people during a crisis. After a wait of 45 minutes, I was admitted to a holding room. Everything was spinning. My life seem to stop and time didn't exist. I vaguely remember hearing the doctor outside my room talking about his golf game. Bless his heart, even in a time of crisis, he still had time to enjoy the good things in life. I knew I probably wouldn't have the same chance he had. I was as good as dead.
My life seem to flash before my eyes. Visions of being on a swing, pumping my feet towards the sky. My first kiss and my first coupling. The world seemed to shrink and life seem to lose meaning. But something caught the corner of my eye. A hyperdermic needle filled with pure adreniline. Stumbling, falling, I grabbed the needle and pointed it straight at my heart. In one movement, I slammed it into my chest and pushed down the plunger.
I can't tell you what happened after that. It was too much. The light, the dark each fighting for me.
When I woke up, I found myself in ICU. A horde of photographers, nurses and people I had never met before were gathered around me.
I struggled to understand the situation I found myself in. But more importantly, I worried about those orphans and who would feed them.
"He's waking up!" a nurse said.
"He's a miracle", someone was saying.
"Doc?" I managed.
"Don't talk, too much strain. Son, you are a miracle. You died today. For almost 45 minutes. That shot of adreniline saved your life."
"Ok everyone, out. He needs his rest".
I looked at the doctor strangely, and he nodded his respect and left also.
It was the day I died, but it was also the day I lived more than I ever have before.

NTR10MNT N<5 MN@@ @V5TV.COM

2006-06-15T17:56:00.000-05:00

Remember Bumper Stumpers? Well, I came up with the one above for Bionicbuddha.com (granted ours is a really long license plate - but hey, we are from Canada, eh?). The above sort of sums up what we are all aboot (that is not a typo). Take a guess what it means. Until then, here are some classics to get your head around :

1) GO4DGLD
2) IMNLEN
3) 8 MI DST
4) RBR CHX
5) URNME
6) WL N4MD
7) LITL KD
8) S'TING PRT

If you dig the answers, comment on them - until the next blog post, keep guessing.

For things that are a little more laid out for you, check out Prof. David Brown on Rewired or the straight dope on news from Eric at Mostly Weird News.

Heather Mills: Yoko Ono meets Pretty Woman

2006-06-11T18:19:00.001-05:00

Most people who follow celebrity news are likely familiar with the story of Heather Mills. Mills is the former model, who has recently suffered a media onslaught following her split with husband Sir Paul McCartney last month. Mills has claimed the stories of prostitution are merely a rehash of allegations she already denied four years ago.

Former Beatle McCartney requested this week that the press stop publishing stories about his wife of four years, and claimed he was still on good terms with the charity campaigner as they negotiated their divorce and custody arrangements for their three-year-old daughter Beatrice.

At Bionic Buddha, we consider ourselves to be forward thinking and are not judgemental towards people of any religion, political faction, profession, nationality, or sexual preference. Notwithstanding, we did find it ironic that "the oldest profession" is an anagram for "I sold for ten pesos". We are quite certain that Heather Mills' divorce settlement will eclipse this sum...Julia Roberts would have been proud.

If you haven't already seen it, Beatles fans might be interested in checking out this episode of Distortions. Jenn Tilley explores a conspiracy theory surrounding the potential death of Paul McCartney.

Superfly

2006-06-05T01:06:00.000-05:00

The Break-Up...(how to screw up a pretty simple formula)

2006-06-04T13:01:00.000-05:00

Recipe for Romantic Comedy

1 cup - male lead
1 cup - female lead
2/3 tble spoon - courting ritual
2 cups - momentary bliss
3/4 cup - complicating incidents
1 sprinkle - token comedic best friend (save a lame joke for adding to the plot just before credits)
1 cup - momentary bliss
2-3 tea spoons - overplayed Barry White or R&B soundtrack
1 tble spoon - romantic dancing into the sunset scene
3 cups - studio credits

Plot Recipe

1. combine 1 cup male lead with 1 cup female lead
2. stir in 2/3 tble spoon courting ritual (to bring couple together)
3. add 2 cups momentary bliss and let sit
4. combine mixture with 3/4 cup complicating incidents (to cause rift in relationship and separate)
5. boil on stove top until couple realizes the “whole” of their relationship is greater than “the sum of the parts”and put aside differences
6. cue the overplayed Barry White or other R&B soundtrack
7. add romantic dancing into the sunset scene
8. stir in lame joke from token comedic best friend
9. roll the studio credits

The Break Up screws up the formula almost from the inception of the movie by having Vince Vaughan (male lead) and Jennifer Anniston (female lead) becoming shacked up and at each others throats within a few minutes of the starting credits. The majority of the rest of the movie is spent on disjointed scenes, where the audience is left wishing the two would just split up for good (both Jennifer and Vince seem to have a pretty good handle on how to do that outside of the “silver screen”). Although Vince Vaughan demonstrates some of his usual neurotic and highly energized comedic abilities, the movie has little else along the lines of humour. For any romantics who might be interested in “aspartame laden” love scenes, the movie also fails to deliver on this front as well. In my opinion this movie has a shelf life of two weeks and is about as memorable as the Eddie Murphy classic “Adventures of Pluto Nash”.

atomic drop

2006-06-02T00:16:00.000-05:00

Highway To The Danger Zone

2006-06-01T20:35:00.001-05:00

I’ll limit the preamble. Here’s my selection for the most inadvertantly gay scenes in Hollywood cinema:

Number 5.

Lost Boys. A highly suggestive poster of Rob Lowe on Corey Haim’s bedroom closet door. Anyone regard this as peculiar? A teenage boy with a come-hither picture of Rob Lowe? Who drafted the script, NAMBLA?

Number 4.

Rocky 3. Don’t kid yourselves, this has gay written all over it. Apollo Creed is training Rocky. The two are galloping on the beach and wind up prancing in the ocean wearing knee-highs, tank tops and tight-ass shorts. At this juncture they are hugging each other to the song “getting stronger”, although I’m not familiar with what “getting stronger” means exactly.

Number 3.

Lord of the Rings, Return of the King (well, the whole trilogy). Near the end of the movie, Merry and Pippen frolick in bed with Frodo. C’mon, it’s obvious, what else could it mean? They’d have you believe they were just friends? Incontrivertably, NAMBLA had some part of this as well. Take a closer look, Sir Ian McKellen playing the part of Gandalf, the creepy dad and the hobbits as his kids. A dude with a beard has something to hide.

Number 2.

Roadhouse. As Patrick Swaze and Marshall Teague wrangle at the end of the movie, Teague says, “I used to f*#k guys like you in prison." 'Nuff said.

Number1 (with a bullet).

Top Gun.

The notoriously gratuitous volleyball scene, Maverick and Goose versus Iceman and Slider (c’mon Slider!?). "Playing with the Boys," by Kenny Loggins is the musical backdrop to bronzed hunky musculature under California sun.

During one of countless lover’s quarrels between Maverick and Iceman, Val Kilmer says, “mind if I pilot?” Cruise’s response, “only if you crash and burn into my ass”. Shut up and kiss already.

I’m not even going to get into Goose’s rendition of Jerry Lee Lewis’, “Great Balls of Fire”, or the colloquial meaning of the word Goose.

At the dramatic ending of the film following the final dog fight scene, Iceman approaches Maverick, and says, "Man, you can ride my tail, anytime!" Maverick’s response, "You can ride mine!"

Take my breath away indeed! My appologies to gay men everywhere. I am not homophobic or predisposed to making jokes at the expense of the gay community. Hey, every dude went through a period of thinking girls were 'yucky' and preferred hugging their buddies.

Peace.

God gave Rock and Roll to you

2006-05-28T18:40:00.000-05:00

Click the image above to take you to our newest Victory 5 program. Vsides is a condensed music video show that features exceptional artists and music world wide. Like our other programs the show is brief and designed primarily for use on cell phones, ipods, psp's and other multimedia portable devices. You can watch them at home on your Mac or PC as well. In our inaugural epsisodes we feature Squire from Australia and The Farrell Bros from Winnipeg, Canada. The shows are hosted by the Lovely Edna M. A friend of mine amusingly recently remarked, "I would watch anything she told me to". If you are in a band and have a video and want airplay send it to us at contact@bionicbuddha.com. Enjoy our newest feature and get back to us with your comments.
Peace.

Top 10 News Headlines

2006-05-27T13:24:00.000-05:00

Today we reflect on times past, and important events which are changing the face of political and economic landscapes as we know them.

We are taking time to examine ten of the most important news headlines, in order to recapture some pivotal events in our history, and are selecting the number one, best headline from popular press sources:

10. Survey Finds Dirtier Subways After Cleaning Jobs Were Cut

9. New Study of Obesity Looks For Larger Test

8. Red Tape Holds Up Bridge

7. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly It May Last A While

6. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter

5. Man Steals Clock, Faces Time

4. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

3. Lightning Likely Killed Zebra That Drowned

2. Strippers Arrested In Fight Outside Burning Club

1. American Idol Outvotes The President

A reflection of some of the headlines which have swept across newspapers and magazines, celebrating important developments and tremendous accomplishments. Please feel free to add some headlines of your own in the "Comments" section of our blog...

celebrity skin

2006-05-21T20:50:00.000-05:00

Click the image above to take you to our latest episode of Distortions on rock and roll celebrity tattoos. You won't believe what images some rock stars put on their bodies. We at bionicbuddha and victory 5 television are really excited to announce that we have a new music video show that will air next week. We have received great videos from all over the world and can't wait to intoroduce them to you. The new show is hosted by the very talented and gorgeous Edna M. This will be a must see.
Peace.

Robert Langdon, Scholar and Nancy boy

2006-05-20T10:02:00.000-05:00

I haven't read the book yet, but I did see the Da Vinci Code last night. Instantly forgettable. Although I won't be giving away anything in the way of spoilers, I can tell you a little something about the character of Robert Langdon portrayed by Tom Hanks: He is a scholar, who is supposed to be an expert in symbology - but he is also something else -
A nancy boy.
In the Da Vinci Code, don't expect heroics from Robert Langdon and don't expect last second chivalry from him either. Expect instead, Tom Hanks to put in a minor supporting actor role while Ian McKellen and Audrey Tautou steal the show. Watch quietly as Tom Hanks fades into the background...
Without giving anything away, Robert Langdon watches from a cowardly position everytime something bad happens. "Here's your chance to save the day, Robert!" Oh no, he's hiding under the table. There were times during the movie, I almost expected him to grab Audrey Tautou and use her as a shield - "kill her, it's not me that you want!"
Whereas Lucas and Speilberg turned a mild mannered professor of Archeology (Indiana Jones), into the crowd-pleasing, swashbuckling hero, Ron Howard turns Robert Langdon the scholar, into...well a nancy boy. (Yeah, and if you are curious, that is an original piece of work by bionicbuddha, boyah).
For some really great versatility in acting, check out David Brown's double duty as host of Rewired and handsome and heroic Ensign Daxter in Space Squadron.

There may be hope in the fossil fuel crisis...

2006-05-17T19:34:00.000-05:00

So just when you thought civilization was headed in a terminal tailspin which would result in the ultimate worst case scenario of mutual assured destruction (MAD), Heinz has solved the problem of dwindling fuel reserves. A new product will be launched later this month which is a frozen sandwich which cooks beans inside the bread. Although it will only be available in New Zealand until next year, once this product hits the shelves in the UK, there will be no shortage of gas in Great Britain. British Heinz spokesman Nigel Dickie said: "We will be looking at how it performs and it may then be something for the UK market, given that we are the world's biggest bean-eating nation. " Now if we could only harness some of that keen insight into solving some of the world's other problems like AIDS or global warming, we might be making progress towards a greater society.

blogs of note

2006-05-14T22:03:00.000-05:00

A drug against war

2006-05-14T21:17:00.000-05:00

I often wonder what happened to the war on drugs. Remember that huge campaign by the U.S. government in the nineties? As I was doing some research on the matter I came across some interesting articles and because this is bionicbuddha I am going to end this post with some songs about drugs.
Anyway, I discovered some origins of drug prohibition that many allege have foundations in racism.
The first American anti-drug law was an 1875 San Francisco ordinance which outlawed the smoking of opium. It was felt by its opponents that it was a way of legally targeting the Chinese as Asian men were supposedly “luring white women to ruin” in opium dens.
Cocaine was outlawed because of fears that superhuman "Cocainized Niggers" (actual term used by newspapers in the early 1900's) were running amuck in violent sexual frenzies raping white women. There were no verified incidents to support government fears and rationalizations. During the twenties I have to add that many Blues and Jazz musicians including Ella Fitzgerald wrote songs about cocaine. Blues pioneer Luke Jordan in his song cocaine blues sang, “she come on sniffin’ with her nose all sore, doctor swore she’s gonna smell no more”.
Marijuana, first outlawed in 1937 was viewed as a repressive measure against Mexican migrant workers who entered the U.S. seeking employment during the Depression. The explanation provided for criminalizing hemp was that it had a violent "effect on the degenerate races." (Testimony of Bureau of Narcotics Commissioner Harry J. Anslinger before Congress on the Marijuana Tax Act of 1937).
During the nineties, the federal government directly spent $17 billion a year to control drug use, 61 percent went to criminal justice and interdiction, while 30 percent went into treatment and prevention programs.
In 2002, 45 percent of 1,538,813 arrests for drug abuse violations were for marijuana. I think there were bigger issues to tackle. Based on the popularity of Rave culture and the appeal of ecstasy during those previously mentioned periods, I’d speculate that the War On Drugs didn’t work and that the youth of America missed the message.
Anyway, as promised here are some more songs about drugs:
Manic Street Preachers in their song, Drug, Drug Druggy sing, “Need sensation like my baby, Snort your lines you're so aware”
The Offspring wrote, “Hey man you're really losing it, hey, and you've really done a lot of junk now, but you keep on abusin' it” in the song “What in the world happened to you?”
It's been argued that the title for the Beatles song, "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" was intentionally created to form the acronym LSD.
The Rolling Stones song, “Mother’s little helper” contains the passage “There's a little yellow pill, She goes running for the shelter of a mother's little helper and it helps her on her way, gets her through her busy day.
Finally Screeching Weasel sang “Cindy's on methadone she's through with the syringe”.
There are literally hundreds of songs on the subject matter of drugs as it’s become ingrained in our popular culture. Feel free to add to this list, love to hear your picks on songs about drugs. Til next time. Oh, and by the way for more music trivia check out Distortions on v5tv and bionicbuddha.com. New episodes of the show will be up soon.
Peace.

I Can't Get No...Metamusil

2006-05-08T19:59:00.000-05:00

According to a recent news story, the Rolling Stones bassist Bill Wyman felt relief after leaving the band in '93. Bandmates Mick Jagger and Keith Richards did not have any respect for him, because in the band's early years, Bill did not share thier interest in drugs other than cannabis.

It was soon after the Rolling Stones launched their first World Tour (estimated sometime around the 5th century BC) that fire was discovered - and pot smoking became in vogue.

Our inside sources tell us that the band is launching yet another World Tour and have prepared a peculiar set of demands for each of the venues including:

1. wheelchair accessibility (Keith Richards has been having trouble with stairs for the last 50 years)
2. freshly squeezed prune juice
3. adult size depends (Mick Jagger's bladder is no longer trusted, as he can't remember using the washroom since Jimmy Carter was in the oval office)
4. bran flakes with extra fibre (this will insure even the guitar techs will stay "regular")
5. on stage "clapper" devices so nobody in the band will have to bend down to turn off electric instruments, peddles, sound equipment and microphones

If you haven't already caught Jenn Tilley talking about other bands strange requests - please check out this episode of Distortions.

Romance Dead in Hollywood: Jessica Simpson to Deliver the Eulogy

2006-05-03T18:30:00.000-05:00

I am becoming tired of seeing and reading about entertainment personalities involved in ugly break-ups, separations and divorce proceedings. It seems I can't go any where to avoid the constant barrage of gossip surrounding Charlie vs. Denise, Paula vs. Ryan, Jessica vs. Nick, etc., etc.

It's not that I don't feel sorry for them. It must be very hard to go through life and have to make so many important and critical decisions; like what color of lipstick to wear on the red carpet or which "after party" to attend. With the world hanging in the balance, the sheer weight of these problems must have a significant impact on their stress levels.

Liz Taylor serves as a testiment that healthy relationships have never been Hollywood's "strong suit", having been married 8 times. I am not sure if she is a jewellery collector, but she would have enough wedding rings to open a store. Maybe she negotiated some kind of a royalty program where you marry 6 times and get two extra weddings for free?

Bionic Buddha has a great instructional guide for men who are aiming to surprise their spouse. Check out "The Modern Man's Guide to the Jet Age Girl", and learn how to put the "spicy" back into the meatball and the "real" back into the relationship.

Cuddle Party Protocol

2006-04-30T21:42:00.000-05:00

Never having heard about the "cuddle party" before, I thought I would take some time to investigate slightly further into this relatively new cultural phenomenon before casting any prejudgement on these social events.

A cuddle party is an activity based workshop instructing adult participants in the art of consensual and boundary-appropriate touch. The central tenet of the cuddling philosophy is that adults retain the same physical need for touch they had in their early childhood.

The history of the "cuddle party" seems to date back to Reid Mihalko and Marcia Baczynski who founded the organization "Cuddle Party" in New York City. Reid Mihalko's CuddleParty.com website has been operating since April 2004.

From those early days, the cuddle party has increased in popularity and even been featured on the cover of the NY Daily News, as well as various other television and newspaper / magazine sources. A cuddle party was featured on an episode of CSI: New York titled "Grand Murder at Central Station".

These parties are organized in several cities in the U.S., Canada, Germany, Amsterdam and Australia. The following is a Top 5 list of "Phrases You Should Never Hear At A Cuddle Party":

1. Those aren't pillows you're sitting on!
2. So, I've decided to shower only once a month to reduce my hydro bill
3. Are you pregnant?
4. Would anybody else care for some hot nuts?
5. Don't worry about my nasal congestion; the people at the clinic assured me that it is not nearly as contagious as some of my other conditions

Check out the newest episode of the Sada show, where Sada discusses some of the rules of the cuddle party.

Your name in lights

2006-04-30T21:03:00.000-05:00

It Tastes Awful. And it Works

2006-04-26T18:39:00.000-05:00

We've all heard the commercials. If you have been sick enough you may have even tried "Buckley's" cough medicine. As the good people at Buckley's say "It Tastes Awful. And it Works".
Well, I have tried Buckley's and I am here to tell you that yes it does taste awful (but it doesn't have to).
Whether cough medicine works is really up for debate - most colds take 7-10 days to work through your system anyways. Does any cough medicine eliviate the symptoms (read as 'make tolerable') or actually combat the cold? My guess is that it helps us enough with a bandage/crutch approach - basically it gets us through the day rather than actually helping to 'rid' ourselves of a cold.
Oh by the way, to STOP it from tasting awful - don't keep your mouth closed over the spoon when you drink it. Swallow it quickly and open your mouth back up again. The bad taste comes from the medicine being trapped in your mouth and having no place to escape.
He isn't a doctor, but Prof David Brown has lots of good insight into other strange facts on Rewired - and if you want even stranger human interest stories, check out Eric on Mostly Weird News.

Calorie Wise

2006-04-23T22:21:00.000-05:00

Rewired is one of various shows produced specifically for mobile media content. Victory 5 Television and Bionicbuddha are the first network in the world to design and produce television programming and film specifically for mobile devices. There are no recycled clips from news programs, films or television shows. Every aspect and shot is taken into consideration during production so that you can enjoy it on your smallscreen. Get back to us with any comments to improve our programming or your suggestions.
Peace.

Living in a fisheye lens

2006-04-23T21:27:00.000-05:00

It is interesting to note that today is the anniversary of the opening of the first official public showing of a film for profit at Koster and Bials Music Hall in New York City on April 23,1896. Before that people used to watch ”moving pictures” in a Kinetescope which basically looked like box and were labelled “peep shows”. I suppose with the advent of movies for cell phones, psp’s, ipods and other portable devices we’ve officially come full circle.

Check out the latest episode of Rewired titled Hungry Girl on our Victory 5 Network as professor Brown reviews the best on the web. In an upcoming episode Professor Brown will be reviewing his favourite blogs. If you have a blog you would would like reviewed by the good professor contact us through our main site's bionicbuddha.com contact page.
Peace.

saying I love you...

2006-04-20T21:36:00.000-05:00

I’m not sure that many of you know this, but there are several of us that post on the bionic buddha blog. For example, my name is Iggy. The bionicbuddha crew each take turns at posting things we find of interest, that fit our format and support our main website, www.bionicbuddha.com. This post will stray from our usual fomat but my point is that I want to talk about me. I recently connected with an old friend I haven’t heard from in about two years, she told me that she wanted to talk to me about something in person but wouldn’t provide the details…this got my mind racing as to what it could be. Yes, I must add that she is very attractive and myself, an average joe…has ten guesses as to what she might say when we meet, here they are:
1. “I am making a film on aging rock stars, I want you play the lead in my movie, More Than Words. The Nuno Bettencourt Story”.
2. “Could you marry my Eastern European cousin so that she can remain in the country”
3. “I have to leave the country for a while, as in immediately…can you take care of my cat?...and ignore that stench coming from the freezer, it’s nothing”.
4. “My mom has been real lonely since she and my dad separated, I was wondering…”
5. “I recently broke up with my boyfriend and was wondering…um…well, if you…wanted…well, you know…to see if you had any single friends to hook me up with”
6. “I have been dating this guy, Jason Suttie…he’s become insanely jealous and thinks I’m messing around on him…can I lay low at your pad?”
7. “My friend Brian thinks you’re hot”
8. “My dad thinks you’re hot”
9. “I got a new job with the police internet crime investigations unit…funny thing, I looked up your name on a lark…”
10. “Hi, my name is Joel Greenberg, Annette couldn't make it...this is a restraining order”
Please help a brother out as I am trying to solve this mystery...any add ons to my list?

How many people wanna kick some ass ?

2006-04-17T22:05:00.000-05:00

Running with Scissors and Drinking with Child

2006-04-16T11:24:00.000-05:00

Gwyneth Paltrow is cast in a new film scheduled to be released this year called "Running with Scissors". The movie is based on the true story of a boy whose mother (a poet with delusions of Anne Sexton) gave him away to be raised by her unorthodox psychiatrist who bore a striking resemblance to Santa Claus. I am not sure if this is a sequel to "Shallow Hal" or "Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrrow", but we at BionicBuddha wish Gwyneth every success in her new project.

Although Gwyneth's discipline in selecting Hollywood roles will never make headlines, her lack of discipline while she was carrying her second child has recently attracted some attention. According to her publicist, while she was pregnant with Moses Bruce Anthony Martin (at least she didn't call him Apple 2 or Ipod) she got her natal vitamins by drinking Guinness beer for the iron content. I am not sure how she justified the wine binges, but perhaps a stay a visit to the Betty Ford Clinic would make for a worthwhile trip. If she wasn't drunk when she conceived her 2 kids, I would bet that she might have been under the influence of something when she named them.

In a recent episode of Mostly Weird News, Eric discusses a strange drink which is appropriately called the "sour toe cocktail". Anyone who hasn't already seen Gwyneth's performance in "Sheakespeare in Love", might consider consuming a half dozen of these beverages prior to renting the DVD.

New Rewired Episode!

2006-04-09T23:12:00.000-05:00

click the image to take you to the pop art toaster episode.

Tatoo You

2006-04-09T21:33:00.000-05:00

I habitually speculate if this present generation will be recognized historically as the most tatooed. This is manifest in an abundance of decorated celebrities...here are some of the most absorbing and freakish:
Paris Hilton once had a tatoo of former boyfriend, Nick Carter on her right butt cheek, on her left, the phrase, “I’d tap that”. Joking on that last part.
Actress, Lara Flynn Boyle has a spade tatoo on her ankle and a tatoo of of a shamrock on her groin. I presume that would give new significance to the phrase, “full of blarney”.
Among fred Durst’s multiple tatoos is a picture of Elvis and Kurt Cobain. Now, finally we have a justifiable explanation as to why Kurt shot himself. I wonder if the roles were reversed would Kurt have done the same and put a tatoo of Fred on his chest? For more on Fred Durst check out the latest episode of Distortions.
Below Janet Jackson’s bikini line is a tatoo of Mickey Mouse and Minnie mouse having sex. If you ask me Minnie and Mickey look an awful like brother and sister, I’m not drawing any conclusions here.
Speaking of incest, in a move that would make Freud proud, actress Bijou Phillips has the word “Daddy” tatooed on her right butt cheek. That just plain gives me the creeps. I mean it wouldn’t be so bad if the other cheek didn’t say, “I’d tap that”.
While remaining on the subject of disturbing child/parent relationships, English Football star, David Beckham has the names of his children Brooklin and Romeo on his back juxtaposed above and below a crucifiction scene.
We’ll have more celebrity tatoos on an upcoming episode of Distortions.
Bionicbuddha and Victory 5 television is the world’s first television network for cellular phones and mobile media. Our programs and content are specifically designed for this purpose. You won’t find recycled clips and tidbits from other films, videos or programs here.
Check out the latest episodes (posted today) of both Rewired and Distortions on our mainsite, www.bionicbuddha.com. Write soon.
Peace.