Fearless

Let me abbreviate the begining to this story. A few days ago a nasal spray (used for allergies) called Nasonex scorched my sinuses causing them to bleed profusely. Blocking my nose caused blood to pour from my mouth.

I lost a lot of blood and wound up at Toronto General Hospital. Ok, so here’s the funny part, I can finally understand how people have near death experiences. At some point at the hospital I told the doctor I had coagulated blood in my throat causing difficulty breathing. He administered an anesthetic spray to my throat to inhibit gag reflex in order to remove the blood.

He managed to remove it and left in the room. At that point I began to feel drowsy and in what felt like the blink of an eye, I saw a face staring at me. The room and this Asian woman’s face had a glow and aura surrounding it. I realized it was a nurse after I heard her yelling “he’s had a couple of seizures”.

Briefly before that time however I repressed the urge to say 3 things: one, “am I dead?”, two, “are you an angel?” and three, “my God, you’re beautiful”.

As I became lucid, I found the hospital staff tearing off my clothes, “I feel fine” I kept insisting. They cut open my shirt and were pulling of my pants. “Uh, could I keep my underwear on please?” I replied. My undies, my God, don’t remove my underwear I thought. After all you haven’t bought me drinks yet. They made a bit of a fuss but relented. I later realized that I was feeling a bit wet. “Doc, did I pee myself while I was out?” I asked.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it though, just me and about 20 other staff know”, he joked.

It ended up that I did not have a seizure. It was a common reaction to pass out following the anesthetic as it drops your blood pressure and I had already lost some considerable blood.

The whole experience was very surreal and undisturbed. I can see that part where people say that they felt tremendous peace in these stressful moments. For the rest of my evening in hospital care I kept repressing the urge to ask questions to the nurse questions like, “are you single?”, “I love you” and “you’re my savior”.

Today I have a renewed lust for life and find myself often standing at the precipice of a tall building leaning over, staring down at the world as I have become, FEARLESS. Hmm, well, not really, kidding at the last part but many thanks to the staff at Toronto General Hospital. You are very beautiful people each and every one of you. To the lovely Asian nurse and others in attendance that night…I love you ;)

PS. Thanks to Lynda for calling the ambulance and coming to the hospital. I’m sorry for leaving your bathroom looking like a crime scene.

PSS. I told my friend Dave about the experience, he sketched out his interpretation of events for my biography. They are as follows:

The Day I Died by Gregory White
I am not one for melodramatics or histrionics, so when I had a nose bleed the other day, I didn't think anything of it. Instead, I mopped up the blood and continued on my way to the local orphanage to work in the kitchen. Since where I was going was over 2 hours away, I trusted the bleeding would stop in time so I could help those poor innocent chldren whose mothers surely came from ill repute. After about 1 hour of constant bleeding, I realised that something might be dreadfully wrong. Looking in the mirror, I saw that I was white as a ghost. Not wanting to stop, I continued on, trusting in Buddha to speed me on my way. After another 1/2 hour I realise my folly in trying to continue and pulled over to catch my breath. Another car was parked along the side of the highway - a family of 3 generations - mother, father, grandmother and children, so I had to pull around them carefully as to avoid them. As I got out of the car, I heard the child scream.
"Zombie!"
Looking down I realised how much blood I had lost. I had covered my shirt and my face. Looking in the reflection of the window, I saw I was completely pale as well. A blood curdling scream suddenly shook me from my reverie.
"Muerte! Muerte!" the old italian women cried and fainted. She saw death.
Jumping back into my car, I realised the full gravity of the situation I found myself in. I was dying.
Speeding onto the highway, I swerved to avoid two cars and took off at the next exit ramp. I was sweating and bleeding profusely as a gaggle of baby ducks passed in front of my car. I was dying, but dammit, I wouldn't be taking anyone else with me!
I drove into the hospital and barely got the car parked. I was fading. I could see the edges of my vision blackening toward oblivion. I knew for a certainy what it must feel like to die.
Stumbling from the car, covered in blood, I made my way into the waiting room. The nurse immediately saw my plight and moved me up from 5th in line to 3rd in line. It brings out the best in people during a crisis. After a wait of 45 minutes, I was admitted to a holding room. Everything was spinning. My life seem to stop and time didn't exist. I vaguely remember hearing the doctor outside my room talking about his golf game. Bless his heart, even in a time of crisis, he still had time to enjoy the good things in life. I knew I probably wouldn't have the same chance he had. I was as good as dead.
My life seem to flash before my eyes. Visions of being on a swing, pumping my feet towards the sky. My first kiss and my first coupling. The world seemed to shrink and life seem to lose meaning. But something caught the corner of my eye. A hyperdermic needle filled with pure adreniline. Stumbling, falling, I grabbed the needle and pointed it straight at my heart. In one movement, I slammed it into my chest and pushed down the plunger.
I can't tell you what happened after that. It was too much. The light, the dark each fighting for me.
When I woke up, I found myself in ICU. A horde of photographers, nurses and people I had never met before were gathered around me.
I struggled to understand the situation I found myself in. But more importantly, I worried about those orphans and who would feed them.
"He's waking up!" a nurse said.
"He's a miracle", someone was saying.
"Doc?" I managed.
"Don't talk, too much strain. Son, you are a miracle. You died today. For almost 45 minutes. That shot of adreniline saved your life."
"Ok everyone, out. He needs his rest".
I looked at the doctor strangely, and he nodded his respect and left also.
It was the day I died, but it was also the day I lived more than I ever have before.