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Thursday, June 01, 2006

Highway To The Danger Zone

I’ll limit the preamble. Here’s my selection for the most inadvertantly gay scenes in Hollywood cinema:

Number 5.

Lost Boys. A highly suggestive poster of Rob Lowe on Corey Haim’s bedroom closet door. Anyone regard this as peculiar? A teenage boy with a come-hither picture of Rob Lowe? Who drafted the script, NAMBLA?

Number 4.

Rocky 3. Don’t kid yourselves, this has gay written all over it. Apollo Creed is training Rocky. The two are galloping on the beach and wind up prancing in the ocean wearing knee-highs, tank tops and tight-ass shorts. At this juncture they are hugging each other to the song “getting stronger”, although I’m not familiar with what “getting stronger” means exactly.

Number 3.

Lord of the Rings, Return of the King (well, the whole trilogy). Near the end of the movie, Merry and Pippen frolick in bed with Frodo. C’mon, it’s obvious, what else could it mean? They’d have you believe they were just friends? Incontrivertably, NAMBLA had some part of this as well. Take a closer look, Sir Ian McKellen playing the part of Gandalf, the creepy dad and the hobbits as his kids. A dude with a beard has something to hide.

Number 2.

Roadhouse. As Patrick Swaze and Marshall Teague wrangle at the end of the movie, Teague says, “I used to f*#k guys like you in prison." 'Nuff said.

Number1 (with a bullet).

Top Gun.

The notoriously gratuitous volleyball scene, Maverick and Goose versus Iceman and Slider (c’mon Slider!?). "Playing with the Boys," by Kenny Loggins is the musical backdrop to bronzed hunky musculature under California sun.

During one of countless lover’s quarrels between Maverick and Iceman, Val Kilmer says, “mind if I pilot?” Cruise’s response, “only if you crash and burn into my ass”. Shut up and kiss already.

I’m not even going to get into Goose’s rendition of Jerry Lee Lewis’, “Great Balls of Fire”, or the colloquial meaning of the word Goose.

At the dramatic ending of the film following the final dog fight scene, Iceman approaches Maverick, and says, "Man, you can ride my tail, anytime!" Maverick’s response, "You can ride mine!"

Take my breath away indeed! My appologies to gay men everywhere. I am not homophobic or predisposed to making jokes at the expense of the gay community. Hey, every dude went through a period of thinking girls were 'yucky' and preferred hugging their buddies.



Anonymous vishnu built my hotrod said...

Watching every motion in this foolish lover's game
Haunted by the notion somewhere there's a love in flames
Take my breath away

dedicated to Iceman and Maverick

9:47 PM

Anonymous fanboy said...

Bogart and Bacall have nothing on Cruise and Kilmer. You can't buy chemistry like that. That's hot.

11:14 PM

Blogger jtf1013 said...

Hey Buddha, loved the list - I laughed out loud with LOTR (did you see the TNT commercials for it - they put Frodo and Sam in the same category as Will and Jack, as in "Will and Grace"). But you forgot movies like "Batman & Robin" (obvious) and "Fight Club" (those men were in love w/ themselves, tho what man isn't). TTFN

10:12 PM

Anonymous bionicbuddha said...

Hey Jennie, oh, how could I miss Batman and Robin, that one is key.

11:33 PM

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