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Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Hoff with his head!

David Hasselhoff insists any boy who messes with his daughter’s heart can expect a very painful amputation and in a very delicate area, too.

In typical Hasselhoff eloquence he revealed to press sources, "My oldest daughter is dating an older boy, so I said to her, 'You're only 16. There's plenty of time to have sex and fall in love.' To him, I said, 'If you hurt my daughter in any way, I will take you outside and I will cut your thing off. I will have no problem spending the rest of my life in prison,'".

This startling statement surfaces under somewhat ironic circum...stances, since just last month Hasselhoff was accused of trying to bed a blonde beautician young enough to be his daughter. His estranged wife has also accused the actor of being unfaithful and abusing their children and alleged that her ex-husband failed to reveal he had a sexually transmitted disease when they got married.

"Hasselhoff has Herpes"...wouldn't that make a great headline, if only the world didn't have other more pressing news.

Following on other Hasselhoff stories: Mel Brooks' famous musical 'The Producers' will open in Las Vegas and Hasselhoff will play the dress wearing Richard Debris, a role he is looking forward to.

During a press release Hasselhoff stated, "I'm just going to bring my own flair and the comedy of the Chrysler building, I'll be fun. It'll be lots of fun. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to have fun. I need to have fun. And God came to me and said you had enough stuff in your life the last year. Here's fun. And I'm going to have fun every night and that's the key."

So let me just get this straight: David Hasselhoff potentially abused his ex-wife and daughters, he threatens to "Bobitt" his daughter's boyfriend, and he is very excited about wearing a dress every night and singing to large crowds in Las Vegas. Is it just me or could this be a sign of the end times??


Anonymous shari t said...

Yes, things aren't looking so good for the Hoff. Just last week I saw a very unattractive picture of him with soggy armpits. He didn't look too "Sure" if you know what I'm sayin...And now this!! Anyone who has to say "fun" six times in one paragraph just isn't having that is.

9:26 PM

Anonymous fishinstereo said...

Well, I dunno what the hell is going on with the Hoff-man these days but I gotta say that he kicked some ass in the last Sponge Bob movie...and I hear Bowie is gonna be in the next one...coolio.

6:38 AM

Blogger Sheila said...

I don't know what the big deal is with the Hoff anyway. However I do miss the car from Knight Rider.... that was a kick ass car. If only our cars could talk....and fix themselves when they break.. damn cars!

12:28 PM

Blogger mist1 said...

Is Hoff intimidating or comic relief? I just don't think I could take that threat seriously.

2:06 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Do as i say, not as i do."

The DH credo. Words to live by.

9:33 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love the Hoff for the sheer insanity that is his exsistance!

3:45 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whatever happened to FreakMagnet?

12:11 PM

Blogger Freak Magnet said...

I'm right here!!

Don't Hassle the Hoff. No matter how much of a prickish, alcoholic dumbass he is.

1:33 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like hasselhoff.. he's cool and funny...

5:34 PM

Blogger pinknest said...

oh but how i miss knight rider. lol!

7:38 AM


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