Bionic Buddha is a website dedicated to content for multimedia devices. The Victory5 TV network headlines shows such as 'Distortions' (an anecdotal music trivia show), 'Mostly Weird News' (odd but weird news stories from around the world), 'Rewired'(unique website reviews), films shorts and more. These shows are typically under 3 minutes in length and customized for your PDA, mobile, cell, ipod or home fun viewing.

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Friday, June 30, 2006

World Cup Soccer - winners and losers

I don't know. Maybe it is just me, but I really don't like watching World Cup Soccer when it is the shoot-outs. Why can't there be two winners? I guess what it really comes down to is that like with any sport, I really don't have a vested interest in the teams - one winning is the same as the other in my eyes. I have often had talks with people that are fanatical about sports - ones that have followed teams their whole lives and even get into fisticuffs over them. I asked them one simple question 'if your teams wins, do you get any of the financial benefits afforded to them?'. The answer is always guffaws and 'you just don't get sports'. Maybe that is true. Maybe I don't get it. I don't get the sports commentators that break down a sport that they themselves have never played at any high level. Critical judgements of 'calls' and 'plays' for sports commentators are as easy as falling down. It doesn't matter if they are right or wrong. If they are right, they continue with their 'I told you so attitude' - if they are wrong, you will never know it. But I digress. The World Cup is nearing the end and today when I watched Argentina and Germany in the shoot-outs, I really didn't care who won, but I sure was sad that one had to lose.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Tamara Hoover: Don't Mess With Texas

In a classic "school teacher vs. schoolboard" battle for the rights to private life outside of the classroom, Tamara Hoover has been "stripped of her duties" (pardon the pun).

The Texas teacher has lost her job for nude photos posted online. She claims artistic privilege. The school district saw things differently, saying the photos violated a "higher moral standard" expected for public school teachers.

I'm not sure what to think of this, but I am so glad that we didn't have to worry about this happening back in the days of "Welcome Back Kotter". I shudder to think of what poor Horshack, Vinnie Barbarino, and Freddie "Boom Boom" Washington would have done if they had witnessed nude photos of Mr. Kotter.

It is funny to think that the school where Ms. Hoover used to teach was the former school of the Bush twins. An interesting setting, from which to launch a challenge to Texas' morally conservative majority.

...And from "Bushes" to trees, check out the latest edition of Rewired, where Professor Brown tackles some of the great sites in the "blogosphere".

Tuesday, June 20, 2006


Let me abbreviate the begining to this story. A few days ago a nasal spray (used for allergies) called Nasonex scorched my sinuses causing them to bleed profusely. Blocking my nose caused blood to pour from my mouth.

I lost a lot of blood and wound up at Toronto General Hospital. Ok, so here’s the funny part, I can finally understand how people have near death experiences. At some point at the hospital I told the doctor I had coagulated blood in my throat causing difficulty breathing. He administered an anesthetic spray to my throat to inhibit gag reflex in order to remove the blood.

He managed to remove it and left in the room. At that point I began to feel drowsy and in what felt like the blink of an eye, I saw a face staring at me. The room and this Asian woman’s face had a glow and aura surrounding it. I realized it was a nurse after I heard her yelling “he’s had a couple of seizures”.

Briefly before that time however I repressed the urge to say 3 things: one, “am I dead?”, two, “are you an angel?” and three, “my God, you’re beautiful”.

As I became lucid, I found the hospital staff tearing off my clothes, “I feel fine” I kept insisting. They cut open my shirt and were pulling of my pants. “Uh, could I keep my underwear on please?” I replied. My undies, my God, don’t remove my underwear I thought. After all you haven’t bought me drinks yet. They made a bit of a fuss but relented. I later realized that I was feeling a bit wet. “Doc, did I pee myself while I was out?” I asked.

“Yeah, don’t worry about it though, just me and about 20 other staff know”, he joked.

It ended up that I did not have a seizure. It was a common reaction to pass out following the anesthetic as it drops your blood pressure and I had already lost some considerable blood.

The whole experience was very surreal and undisturbed. I can see that part where people say that they felt tremendous peace in these stressful moments. For the rest of my evening in hospital care I kept repressing the urge to ask questions to the nurse questions like, “are you single?”, “I love you” and “you’re my savior”.

Today I have a renewed lust for life and find myself often standing at the precipice of a tall building leaning over, staring down at the world as I have become, FEARLESS. Hmm, well, not really, kidding at the last part but many thanks to the staff at Toronto General Hospital. You are very beautiful people each and every one of you. To the lovely Asian nurse and others in attendance that night…I love you ;)

PS. Thanks to Lynda for calling the ambulance and coming to the hospital. I’m sorry for leaving your bathroom looking like a crime scene.

PSS. I told my friend Dave about the experience, he sketched out his interpretation of events for my biography. They are as follows:

The Day I Died by Gregory White
I am not one for melodramatics or histrionics, so when I had a nose bleed the other day, I didn't think anything of it. Instead, I mopped up the blood and continued on my way to the local orphanage to work in the kitchen. Since where I was going was over 2 hours away, I trusted the bleeding would stop in time so I could help those poor innocent chldren whose mothers surely came from ill repute. After about 1 hour of constant bleeding, I realised that something might be dreadfully wrong. Looking in the mirror, I saw that I was white as a ghost. Not wanting to stop, I continued on, trusting in Buddha to speed me on my way. After another 1/2 hour I realise my folly in trying to continue and pulled over to catch my breath. Another car was parked along the side of the highway - a family of 3 generations - mother, father, grandmother and children, so I had to pull around them carefully as to avoid them. As I got out of the car, I heard the child scream.
Looking down I realised how much blood I had lost. I had covered my shirt and my face. Looking in the reflection of the window, I saw I was completely pale as well. A blood curdling scream suddenly shook me from my reverie.
"Muerte! Muerte!" the old italian women cried and fainted. She saw death.
Jumping back into my car, I realised the full gravity of the situation I found myself in. I was dying.
Speeding onto the highway, I swerved to avoid two cars and took off at the next exit ramp. I was sweating and bleeding profusely as a gaggle of baby ducks passed in front of my car. I was dying, but dammit, I wouldn't be taking anyone else with me!
I drove into the hospital and barely got the car parked. I was fading. I could see the edges of my vision blackening toward oblivion. I knew for a certainy what it must feel like to die.
Stumbling from the car, covered in blood, I made my way into the waiting room. The nurse immediately saw my plight and moved me up from 5th in line to 3rd in line. It brings out the best in people during a crisis. After a wait of 45 minutes, I was admitted to a holding room. Everything was spinning. My life seem to stop and time didn't exist. I vaguely remember hearing the doctor outside my room talking about his golf game. Bless his heart, even in a time of crisis, he still had time to enjoy the good things in life. I knew I probably wouldn't have the same chance he had. I was as good as dead.
My life seem to flash before my eyes. Visions of being on a swing, pumping my feet towards the sky. My first kiss and my first coupling. The world seemed to shrink and life seem to lose meaning. But something caught the corner of my eye. A hyperdermic needle filled with pure adreniline. Stumbling, falling, I grabbed the needle and pointed it straight at my heart. In one movement, I slammed it into my chest and pushed down the plunger.
I can't tell you what happened after that. It was too much. The light, the dark each fighting for me.
When I woke up, I found myself in ICU. A horde of photographers, nurses and people I had never met before were gathered around me.
I struggled to understand the situation I found myself in. But more importantly, I worried about those orphans and who would feed them.
"He's waking up!" a nurse said.
"He's a miracle", someone was saying.
"Doc?" I managed.
"Don't talk, too much strain. Son, you are a miracle. You died today. For almost 45 minutes. That shot of adreniline saved your life."
"Ok everyone, out. He needs his rest".
I looked at the doctor strangely, and he nodded his respect and left also.
It was the day I died, but it was also the day I lived more than I ever have before

Thursday, June 15, 2006


Remember Bumper Stumpers? Well, I came up with the one above for (granted ours is a really long license plate - but hey, we are from Canada, eh?). The above sort of sums up what we are all aboot (that is not a typo). Take a guess what it means. Until then, here are some classics to get your head around :

3) 8 MI DST
6) WL N4MD

If you dig the answers, comment on them - until the next blog post, keep guessing.

For things that are a little more laid out for you, check out Prof. David Brown on Rewired or the straight dope on news from Eric at Mostly Weird News.

Sunday, June 11, 2006

Heather Mills: Yoko Ono meets Pretty Woman

Most people who follow celebrity news are likely familiar with the story of Heather Mills. Mills is the former model, who has recently suffered a media onslaught following her split with husband Sir Paul McCartney last month. Mills has claimed the stories of prostitution are merely a rehash of allegations she already denied four years ago.

Former Beatle McCartney requested this week that the press stop publishing stories about his wife of four years, and claimed he was still on good terms with the charity campaigner as they negotiated their divorce and custody arrangements for their three-year-old daughter Beatrice.

At Bionic Buddha, we consider ourselves to be forward thinking and are not judgemental towards people of any religion, political faction, profession, nationality, or sexual preference. Notwithstanding, we did find it ironic that "the oldest profession" is an anagram for "I sold for ten pesos". We are quite certain that Heather Mills' divorce settlement will eclipse this sum...Julia Roberts would have been proud.

If you haven't already seen it, Beatles fans might be interested in checking out this episode of Distortions. Jenn Tilley explores a conspiracy theory surrounding the potential death of Paul McCartney.

Monday, June 05, 2006


Sunday, June 04, 2006

The Break-Up...(how to screw up a pretty simple formula)

Recipe for Romantic Comedy

1 cup - male lead
1 cup - female lead
2/3 tble spoon - courting ritual
2 cups - momentary bliss
3/4 cup - complicating incidents
1 sprinkle - token comedic best friend (save a lame joke for adding to the plot just before credits)
1 cup - momentary bliss
2-3 tea spoons - overplayed Barry White or R&B soundtrack
1 tble spoon - romantic dancing into the sunset scene
3 cups - studio credits

Plot Recipe

1. combine 1 cup male lead with 1 cup female lead
2. stir in 2/3 tble spoon courting ritual (to bring couple together)
3. add 2 cups momentary bliss and let sit
4. combine mixture with 3/4 cup complicating incidents (to cause rift in relationship and separate)
5. boil on stove top until couple realizes the “whole” of their relationship is greater than “the sum of the parts”and put aside differences
6. cue the overplayed Barry White or other R&B soundtrack
7. add romantic dancing into the sunset scene
8. stir in lame joke from token comedic best friend
9. roll the studio credits

The Break Up screws up the formula almost from the inception of the movie by having Vince Vaughan (male lead) and Jennifer Anniston (female lead) becoming shacked up and at each others throats within a few minutes of the starting credits. The majority of the rest of the movie is spent on disjointed scenes, where the audience is left wishing the two would just split up for good (both Jennifer and Vince seem to have a pretty good handle on how to do that outside of the “silver screen”). Although Vince Vaughan demonstrates some of his usual neurotic and highly energized comedic abilities, the movie has little else along the lines of humour. For any romantics who might be interested in “aspartame laden” love scenes, the movie also fails to deliver on this front as well. In my opinion this movie has a shelf life of two weeks and is about as memorable as the Eddie Murphy classic “Adventures of Pluto Nash”.

Friday, June 02, 2006

atomic drop

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Highway To The Danger Zone

I’ll limit the preamble. Here’s my selection for the most inadvertantly gay scenes in Hollywood cinema:

Number 5.

Lost Boys. A highly suggestive poster of Rob Lowe on Corey Haim’s bedroom closet door. Anyone regard this as peculiar? A teenage boy with a come-hither picture of Rob Lowe? Who drafted the script, NAMBLA?

Number 4.

Rocky 3. Don’t kid yourselves, this has gay written all over it. Apollo Creed is training Rocky. The two are galloping on the beach and wind up prancing in the ocean wearing knee-highs, tank tops and tight-ass shorts. At this juncture they are hugging each other to the song “getting stronger”, although I’m not familiar with what “getting stronger” means exactly.

Number 3.

Lord of the Rings, Return of the King (well, the whole trilogy). Near the end of the movie, Merry and Pippen frolick in bed with Frodo. C’mon, it’s obvious, what else could it mean? They’d have you believe they were just friends? Incontrivertably, NAMBLA had some part of this as well. Take a closer look, Sir Ian McKellen playing the part of Gandalf, the creepy dad and the hobbits as his kids. A dude with a beard has something to hide.

Number 2.

Roadhouse. As Patrick Swaze and Marshall Teague wrangle at the end of the movie, Teague says, “I used to f*#k guys like you in prison." 'Nuff said.

Number1 (with a bullet).

Top Gun.

The notoriously gratuitous volleyball scene, Maverick and Goose versus Iceman and Slider (c’mon Slider!?). "Playing with the Boys," by Kenny Loggins is the musical backdrop to bronzed hunky musculature under California sun.

During one of countless lover’s quarrels between Maverick and Iceman, Val Kilmer says, “mind if I pilot?” Cruise’s response, “only if you crash and burn into my ass”. Shut up and kiss already.

I’m not even going to get into Goose’s rendition of Jerry Lee Lewis’, “Great Balls of Fire”, or the colloquial meaning of the word Goose.

At the dramatic ending of the film following the final dog fight scene, Iceman approaches Maverick, and says, "Man, you can ride my tail, anytime!" Maverick’s response, "You can ride mine!"

Take my breath away indeed! My appologies to gay men everywhere. I am not homophobic or predisposed to making jokes at the expense of the gay community. Hey, every dude went through a period of thinking girls were 'yucky' and preferred hugging their buddies.


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